New year's eve

Biscotti with my morning coffee. Yumyum! Thank you Tita Baby!

I was told by my good friend Jenny that you should wear never-been-worn red underwear at the stroke of midnight tonight to be lucky in love in 2009. She herself is searching for the perfect polka-dotted red undies to bring in loads of moolah along with the lovelife luck hahaha! I went online this early to finish some tasks so when my brother wakes up, I'll drag him to the mall with me LOL.

Tasks being my thesis proposal, preparing for tonight's meal... and poker practice! Sheesh.... Kulang na lang managinip ako ng spades, clovers, hearts and diamonds... very reminiscent of 21 and the opening credits of Casino Royale. I keep losing on Facebook's Texas Holdem because of my internet connection, I had to buy-in everytime *sigh*. Anyway, I better get a hold of myself now and immerse in real work. But just in case you get the itch to play, online or otherwise, just holler and I'll come running! :)

Happy new year everyone! If 2008 was good for you as it was for me, 2009 will rock!!! May 2009 bring you love that makes you giddy, peace of mind that makes you sleep at night, hope to make you strive, patience to wait for the good to unfold and awareness to help you bring change :)

Fish and steak, wine and poker

Peejo invited me to spend the night at their house in Tagaytay with Joanne, Cla, Otet and Raj. It was supposed to be Raj's first EK trip but we backed out when we saw the long lines at the ticket booths and the warning that said: "FYI: Average queue time for major rides is 2 hours." We drove up to their house but not until we bought some meat and fish and some other ingredients for dinner.

Peejo baked the fish, Joanne made its cheese sauce, Cla and Otet grilled some steaks. Me? Helped out a little bit with the cheese sauce and mashed potatoes. Alam mo naman ako, walang alam sa pagluluto. Anyway it was a fantasic dinner that probably added an inch to our waistlines. It was really breezy up in Royal Tagaytay, and we tried to warm ourselves with wine.

And it was time for poker! Sulit na sulit ang chips set sa mga newbies except Peejo. I was also playing a counting game with Raj with the dice. I eventually learned what check, call, raise, fold, burn, flop, turn and river meant and was able to win some games. I discovered that I'm far from being a risk-taker, hence I had to buy-in twice for the whole night. There were times I cringed because I folded too early in the game, or I should've put my chips all in, or I wasn't brave enough to call their bluff. But all's well that ends well, we packed up at 1am with the feeling that I shall be back to wreak havoc on the table!

Funny story

*Now that I just finished an item from my to-do list, I feel entitled to post a blog tonight hahaha!*

Christmas day, everyone's at home so Dad decided that we visit a piece of land in Lipa because my brother and grandparents haven't seen it yet. My dad's siblings purchased the lot beside it.

Took us a while to find Hacienda Sta. Monica because there were so many people that we asked directions from - a traffic enforcer, a grandma selling kakanin, a boy playing on the street, and two teenagers talking and texting at the same time. Looking back at the dizzying route we took, sino ang may salarin? ANG TRAFFIC ENFORCER! Tama pala kami to begin with, and he said to take the opposite direction. Pero in the first place, my parents have seen the place twice so dapat alam nila di ba? Apparently naconfuse din sila nung nagmamarunong na mama na yon.

Before 3pm we arrived and it was raining. Was able to take some shots of the empty clubhouse and the infinity pool. Nice! My brother didn't want to risk getting his Nikon baby wet though. Anyway, we drove to Phase 3 with vacant lots stretching as far as the eyes could see. My tita said the property is on Archive Street. Huwat?! Eh mga herbs and spices ang street names dito eh! Baka naman Chives ibig mo sabihin...

My bro and I struggled to read the painted markers to find the lot to no avail. And so I just tried to take some amateur shots of a chair under a tree using the T700's macro mode. Amateur nga, ang dilim eh. Kelangan ko talaga mag-aral. Rule of thirds lang alam ko eh.

Anyway, Dad finally gave up on this guessing game and called his realtor friend to help us out. Eh kung tinawagan ba naman nya kanina pa, eh di sana hindi naging dinner ang late lunch di ba? And lo and behold, the lots were actually on Juniper Street, whose perimeter is marked by recently planted banana and papaya trees. So my dad calls his sister, suppressing his laughter.

Dad: Mali ka naman eh! Sa Juniper Street tayo!

Tita: Ha? Mali ba?! Eh kanino yung tinitignan namin? (They've visited the property for like 5 times already).

Dad: Ewan ko sa inyo!

Talaga nga naman...

Christmas eve

Now that the gifts have been opened and the wine bottle emptied, I'm at the computer again, trying to come up with something coherent. It's been a while since I posted in this blog, and I missed doing so! It's been a crazy 4th quarter and I've only been able to post pictures of the more interesting events as of late.

This year's Christmas isn't any different from Christmases past - I feel I gained the pounds I lost this year, there's still so many bills to pay, and my thesis proposal has yet to see the light of day. I bet one of Chichi's New Year's resolution is to hold a gun at my head for me to start moving with this thesis hehehe. Only recently has it dawned on me the real reason why I'm taking my time with that one.

Since I started working, I no longer get gifts from family but I make it a point that everyone opens a little something from me. In terms of gifts, there's a bit of surprise this year - my brother gave me a gym outfit from Nike which I believe is the sign that I should get back on the treadmill very soon. I love it! And the biggest thing of all - Mom gave me cash! I can't believe it! Hahaha ang babaw ko. Eh pano naman the last time this happened was when I was in college! So I guess business is doing very good.

Kinda sleepy now... I'll just make kwento in the coming days while I download Heroes and Grey's Anatomy. Goodnight!

What happens in the classroom #1

1. Teachers would usually spell out certain words when talking inside the classroom for fear that the children may pick them up. One time, we were pointing to certain kids and guessing how they'll look like when they grow up. "He will be a basketball jock" or "This guy will break a lot of hearts" or "For sure he'll be the class clown". And there was a kid who was so smart that we all agreed "He will be a G-E-E-K with suspenders and high-waisted pants." No sooner than my co-teacher uttered those words, that kid chanted "G-E-E-K, G-E-E-K, G-E-E-K!" while marching like a soldier. As damage control, she said, "Yeah Mark's dad is greek, G-R-E-E-K."

2. There's another precocious kid who kept on bumping his classmates during free play time. One time my co-teacher said "Mark, you've been hurting your friends all morning!" "Sorry!" was his reply. "You keep saying 'sorry' but you keep doing it again. You even stepped on me twice," my co-teacher replied, with a sad face. "I'm sorry sorry teacher! I'm sorry sorry, I said sorry twice!"

3. It was restaurant week and we were about to use carrot sticks for painting and before distributing them, I held it up for all the children to see. I asked them, "Who wears a white hat and uses food like these in a restaurant?" Before anyone else could reply, Alexi excitedly shouted, "Rabbits!"

4. We just learned about the letter M and sang about Maggie Magnet and my co-teacher asked, "Who knows what comes after M?" Rapa answered, "Eno?" (Try singing the alphabet song.)

5. I was kidding around with Matthew our Aussie surfer dude, I was hiding his lunch or pretending to eat his vegemite sandwich (smells nasty btw). "C'mon Matty, can I have some of your lunch?" He vehemently replied, "No, you don't need it, you're already big! Look at yourself!" (Ouch!)

Are you really ok?

Of course my life is not all roses. There are times when I get depressed, frustrated, annoyed and impatient, among other things. Most of the time, I would just say "Yup, I'm ok." But how many times was that actually true?

I hate being fussed about and being in the center of attention, especially when I feel there are a lot more important issues to deal with or I find my predicament too mundane for other people to get bothered with it. I'd rather focus my energies on helping someone else than having my issues dealt with (yes I have issues even if I look like I have none with my supposedly sunny personality). Guilt eats me up because I feel something I think I'm not supposed to feel. I find myself saying yes even when I have no idea what I put myself into or I had no time to do it, just to become somebody else's answer for something. I can be very hard on myself for other people's convenience. For me, other people's happiness of my primary concern. It's how I'm programmed, you might say. I keep complaints to myself and I immediately think of an explanation to what has recently happened, so I can jump back into the groove of things.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to stay long in the groove. I jump back but slide down. Jump back and slide down again. It can really be an exasperating cycle, you know. And it's all because I like to control my life with a remote control, where I can fast forward the depressing, tedious and worrisome events in my life, which are more often than not rooted to my feelings.

Time and again, Peejo would tell me that all feelings are valid, because we're all human beings. It's okay to get mad or upset at someone, it's okay to feel frustrated after a failed project, it's okay to throw a tantrum (if you must) to release whatever is eating you up. It's okay to feel and express your feelings. This might be a completely alien concept for most, because when we were kids, at one point or another our parents told us, "Stop crying!" It's even okay to feel like you want to kill someone for whatever reason. Because once you acknowledge that feeling, you become aware that something is lacking - be it a material possession, some kind of recognition, or anything that is of value to you.

Life is all about processes. Things happen in a sequential manner. Just like when you were learning to read, you had to know how letters look like, how they sound and what these combination of letters mean as words. A toddler doesn't just pluck a book from the shelf and start reading like you do. Gaining acceptance starts with acknowledgment, and I had a hard time with this. But the bigger question is, now that I acknowledged my feelings, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

I acknowledged that I felt really frustrated about my thesis proposal, I got really annoyed with a friend of mine who, for a time, was "malakas ang dating", I got disappointed with my parents, yada yada yada. I gave myself time to wallow in it, but I eventually came to the point that I felt it was already time to stop feeling and start acting. I knew this time I was ready to start fresh, and that I'm less likely to come across that negative feeling again. Yes, I did feel I wanted to strangle someone, but I chose not to do anything about it hehehe.

It's okay not to be okay at times. People will still love you, if they are worth having in your life, that is. They will be strong for you when you're weak.

Are you listening?

I was always proud of my multitasking skills. I can watch TV, blog, chat and talk on the phone all at the same time, among other things that I do simultaneously. With my previous job, I was able to handle meetings, reports, client calls and still having enough energy for a nightcap. However, I'm starting to be bothered by my inability to remember things from the past that I'm beginning to think that multitasking may have caused more harm than good for me.

I think I was brought up in an environment where you were made to believe that they're listening to you when they're actually thinking about something else. They nod and say "it's alright" or "OK, and then?" and before you know it you find yourself alone with your thoughts and with no one to talk to. And so I realize that I breezed through school daydreaming a lot, and that I often attended to my responsibilities while listening to other people's woes, lest I be accused of being an absentee friend. I now look back at those conversations with regret, because it's either I may have given halfhearted advice, or they saw right through me, got insulted and decided to seek solace from somebody else.

Now there is someone in my life who really takes time to listen to absolutely everything I have to say, but I'm having a hard time doing the same thing, and that hurts him. I can't discount the fact that I'm attending to so many things at work and in school, but he has a point in saying that I can actually beg off and say "Give me some time to finish this up then let's talk." I guess I just got used to accomodating everyone and everything at the same time because that's what I've learned from people around me. I thought everyone and everything can be satisfied in that manner, but people really do need 100% of your attention; otherwise, it's not communication at all.

In the dizzying frenzy of the workaday world, how many times have you sat down with someone important in your life and just listened completely, stripping yourself of any biases, inhibitions and the worries that trouble you day in and day out?

Who among the people in your life can drop everything to give you the attention you don't think you need (but you actually do)?

Say a prayer of thanks for the people who take time to listen to you, because in this day and age, you're less likely to meet more of them. Learn to give your 100% attention to anyone who needs it, because it enables the other person to pay it forward.

A letter for Lian

(Sorry for this late post, but I wrote you a note that you watch out for something on my blog, so here it is :) Sorry I haven't posted the videos yet because super crappy Internet connection nowadays.)

Dear Lian,

So how's being an "adult" like, so far? :) I'm pretty sure it wasn't that overwhelming that leaves you at a loss for words. You might have even thought, "This is it?" Your explosive party was a different thing altogether, though hehehe. But then again, you've got the rest of your life ahead to figure out what to make of things like a real adult should.

I'm not writing this like a grandma who's about to impart nuggets of wisdom about life and love. For one, I'm just 10 years older than you, and definitely still feeling like a 20-year-old hahaha! Second, for all I know, we've just gone through the same amount of heart-wrenching experiences in our lifetime. The real reason? I just can't keep my hands from typing away :)

I'm blessed to have been given several opportunities to get to know you, your mom and your wonderful family. I hope you're aware how lucky you are that there are a lot of people who love you and the way you deal with different kinds of people just shows how you were admirably were brought up by your parents. It's not that common nowadays, you know. I can see you'll grow up to be a fine young woman - self-reliant, passionate, and very loving. And I can only pray for a continuous shower of blessings for you.

From one teacher to another, I feel that you're someone your future students will never forget. A lot of people in your party knew that you're going to be a good teacher and I'm pretty sure of that too. Whether you'll find work here or elsewhere, I assure you that it's a career where you'll feel most loved every single day. And I do hope that the desire to make a difference in the lives of little souls will always stay in your heart.

Thank you for all your help with the group, the happy times in your house and here's to more memories that we'll make together! I love you!

Strain on my shoulders

... from all the stress this week. It's been a good one so far, and it will be capped off by Lian's birthday bash tonight at Old Swiss Inn. It's been a while since I last attended an SA activity, but I hope I can make up for it next month. I'm currently watching Charlotte's Web on HBO AND working on the children's portfolio AND checking updates on Multiply and Facebook accounts. No wonder my memory fails me sometimes - because I load it with so much information I never get to remember specific events in my life!

We were eating dinner and watching the news, and Daddy brought up the time we rode a ferry from Bohol to Cebu 3 or 4 years ago - AND I COULDN'T REMEMBER THAT PART OF THE TRIP AT ALL!!! When Peejo and my dad were talking about taking the bus in the States and my mom mentioned the time (back in 2000) a bus driver snapped at us because we forgot to buy our tickets, I was racking my brain for that particular memory - AND I CAME UP WITH NOTHING. Yikes. I think this is getting serious, because these are not the only things I don't remember. Talo pa ko ng mga magulang ko. Peejo fears I'll eventually forget him.

What is happening to me?!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Yes, I can feel it already, Father Christmas is making himself known! The throng of people in Greenhills tells you it's the time for spending, giving, receiving, eating and partying until your belly can't take it any more. It was much, much packed last weekend than today, tho. There's work again tomorrow, and I didn't even feel I had a sembreak because I had been working still. Anyhoo, it won't be me if I just rant and rant, because there are actually a lot more things to be thankful about:

1. Peejo will arrive Monday night, yay! Apart from the pasalubongs that he can't keep himself from telling me, I can't wait to see him in the flesh. I've been somewhat empty since he went on vacation, and of course there's been a lot of alone time for me. Walking at the mall and seeing something that makes you remember another thing and you just had to make kwento about it? Eating at a restaurant where we used to share a meal? Sharing my kids' funny anecdotes with someone? I didn't have that person for 3 whole weeks :( Each chat conversation I looked forward to a lot, and I struggled to remember every bit of detail but of course I can't (unless I write them down) and sometimes we ended up arguing, which messes up the mood altogether. But Tuesday we'll see each other! I can't wait!

2. I've started on my Christmas shopping! It's not a lot, but I know I'm gonna save a great deal this time. Purchased gifts for the helpers, my grandparents and a few friends. I think that's enough to keep my spirits high this season. Got myself a nice pair of gladiator sandals, a plaid top and a patent bag (matching, take note haha!). The joys of bargain shopping nga naman, keeps all my stress at bay :)

3. My BFF's got a BF! And so do my 2 girl friends from college - sorry for spilling the beans hahaha! As far as I know there are about 10 pairs who became couples this year. What's with this generation?! Humahabol ba sa Pasko?! Nakakatawa talaga. Or baka humahabol sa 2010 wedding. Eeeep. Don't look at me :)

****

I think pesto's gonna come out of my ears any day now. This week was pesto pasta week, and I don't think I want to see any green pasta in the next month or so (but did you guys know that some place is offering Laing Pasta?! I saw it on a billboard, I dunno if it's Goldilocks, and another newbie on the menu is Crispy Halo-Halo - go figure.) Wednesday I craved for Aveneto's Nut Pesto with Chicken. Friday, I had some Creamy Pesto with Chicken at Brooklyn's, and just tonight, Pesto with Salmon at Tender Bob's. The verdict? Aveneto. Their pesto's the most potent! It's like you're eating nutty moss (but the yummiest moss you'll ever taste hahaha) and the chicken was bland enough to counter the very garlicky taste. But of course, this is just me and my non-discriminating palate. I'm feeling like a pesto connoisseur now! :D

The General

By now almost every Scholastican would have found out about the current state of Ms. Salazar. Broke my heart to read about the agony and pain she's going through. Had a hard time remembering how she looked like (she looks like this old lady from church but she looked a lot fierce). I was fortunate not to be suspended by her for any disciplinary action (everyone goes to her office when you're late or absent) but the moment her tall figure walks the corridors more than 12 years ago, everyone straightens up as if a general is about to make an inspection. She was probably pushing 60 already by that time - but still very strict - and now she's probably very thin and frail. What's worse - alone.

Made me a lot petrified about the possibility of being an old maid :( I hope she'll be relieved of the pain very soon. Let's pray for her.

Abada girls moment #1: One rainy night

Since I've started waxing nostalgic about my days as a college dormer, and now that Halloween's just around the corner, lemme share with you the hilarity that is the Abada girls circa 1996-1999: the years where the late bloomers started falling in love, learned how to smoke, cut classes to watch a movie or do something else, stalk crushes, get drunk like there's no tomorrow, eat like construction workers, and discovered that there is still some sort of nutritional value in pancit canton and greasy fastfood (because we managed to get decent grades and graduate on time!)

*****

Setting: The white house on the corner has a steep driveway and from the white gate where only people can come in, you'll see a short staircase leading to my room with Cathi and Jo-Anne (and eventually Bianca). The main door to the house is on the left side. Since our room wasn't originally part of the house, the three of us can actually come home anytime we want.

It had been raining so hard one night during freshman year and Jo-anne, Cathi and I were in our room, studying I suppose (or maybe feeling homesick, I can hardly remember). Ate Baby the caretaker who couldn't care less about us, would usually knock on our door if one of us receives a phone call. She doesn't talk so much, and sometimes we have to guess who's it for.

So we thought that knock meant somebody received a call and Cathi opened the door (since her bed's the closest). When she opened it, there was a woman wearing white, drenched, with her hair covering her face, standing on top of the stairs. Cathi closed the door (or was it Jo?) and said, "Huy, may babae sa labas!" I remember getting nervous all of a sudden - I stood up and squished myself in between them hahaha. I don't remember exactly but one of them bravely opened the door again. AND THE GIRL WAS STILL THERE, NOT MOVING! We slammed the door on her face for the second time and shrieked so loud that McDo patrons could have heard it. What's funny is the three of us locked ourselves in our very small bathroom that's even smaller than a regular Starbucks restroom hahahaha! If it was indeed a serial killer out to strangle us three, we were doomed. From our bathroom we could see Ate Baby's quarters and I think it was from there that we told her there's a stranger who got in.

Took a while before we managed to open the door again and Ate Baby supposedly drove the woman away. I bet she also can't contain her laughter that time. Apparently Pagan came in with Joel then and forgot to close the gate, and since it was raining so hard, the woman was probably seeking shelter or something. In retrospect I feel guilty that we slammed the door on her face. BUT SHE SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING INSTEAD OF JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING LIKE SADAKO! (FYI, The Ring wasn't shown until a few years after).

Yun ang ab workout! Ang sarap pa naman naming tumawa lahat!

Unwinding

After weeks of parent meetings, practicing with the kids, working on a new proposal, curriculum planning and a handful of arguments later, I'm winding down. Friday night I was sound asleep before 7pm and didn't get up until 6am today (still in my jeans hahaha). Finally had a lighthearted chat with Peejo after a few not-so-good ones during the week. Was able to watch the 2 latest episodes of Heroes (OMG!) and will meet up with a friend later and do some shopping. Yay! Work will have to wait or else I'd go mental.

The Curse of the House on the Corner

I used to live with 11 other girls in this old, white house on the corner of Esteban Abada street a few steps away from McDo Katipunan. It has what it takes to send chills down your spine - a creepy huge mirror in the living room, a dark, dingy hallway with empty shelves, a gigantic wardrobe whose partially open doors will make you think of a bloodied hand crawling out of it, supposed whispers of a little girl from one of the rooms, and a caretaker who emerges out of the kitchen at nighttime with a face as white as bone (but the neck and arms remain an uneven tan).

Legend has it that a curse has fallen on the female tenants of this house. True, the rent was dirt cheap with cable TV, landline and no curfew; and for three girls sharing the room adjacent to the house, there was aircon and another bathroom, even. It was believed that the Abada curse puts anyone's lovelife in doom (TAN-DAN-DAN-DAN!!!). It was only Pagan who was supposedly spared from this, but only until after an ex-boyfriend's suicidal attempt on the flyover. The harana episode by the stairs during our freshman year was supposed to be promising. However, that ended abruptly but started the yosi bonding habit by the stairs til the wee hours of the morning (totally forgetting we had homework/tests the next day). Nobody really had anything going for them in the lovelife department (at least with the guys we liked hahaha) until we were forced to move out because they had to renovate the house.

A few years after graduation, we still found ourselves as singletons, and were actually thinking if the curse actually materialized. That white house is now an orange building with a bank on the ground floor. We met and dated some men but they didn't stay for long, or we can't bear to spend another minute with them. As we push to our 30s, we were psyching ourselves that we'll just be career women for the rest of our lives.

Fast forward to 2008. Tina has a beautiful daughter, Damcelle's found her Mr. Right, Mix is happily married and grape-picking in the French countryside and working on her book; Atty. Pagan's busy with Shorty and their wedding plans; Mimi's exchanging sweet nothings with a French beau from miles away; Irene's been happy with the Indonesian; I've found a jogging and food trip partner in Peejo; and new on the list is.... (TAN-DAN-DAN-DAN!) Bianca holding hands with (ahem) on a rendezvous in Town Center!!! Hahahaha! :) Maybe the curse is wearing off now. Cathi, Keysi, Duday, Jo-Anne, cross your fingers! :)

Today is a good day

Sidenote: There is something wrong with my Multiply compose page. The icons to change fonts, colors, attach pictures, include links, etc etc are gone since the other day! Weird.
Anyhoo, it's a good day to post a blog (just like any other day for me for that matter hahaha) for a number of reasons:
PEEJO AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 MONTHS!
Yes, this is the longest relationship I've ever been in so far (I'm not kidding) and it has been most blissful! He'll come home on the 3rd of November but we've been chatting and calling each other almost everyday so it feels nothing has really changed hehe. We've both been praying hard that this is the last for both of us. I can't wait to see him again! He already showed me his pasalubongs for me and I can't wait to show them off hahaha!
I RAN AGAIN TODAY - 4kms in 30 minutes at 8.0kph on the treadmill!
Nothing beats a good, continuous run. Took a break from exercise last week and it's pretty surprising that I had enough endurance to cover that distance even after my inactivity. A great de-stresser too; welcome change from facing the computer for 3 days straight last weekend (yuck). I hope I'll have time to run every other day. I've started dieting again in time for Shep Sons' wedding in December.
LIAN'S HOME!
Dengue's still wreaking havoc. After Tita Agnes, it's Lian. I'm really glad she's home! Hopefully it ends with her and no one's going to get infected again.
5 FREE TREATMENTS!
GCs for participating daw at the Grand Aero Fusion. Buti naman may pampalubag loob hahaha. Anything's good as long as it's free:) I'm sure they appreciated our efforts, people just have different ways of showing it.
GOOD HAIR DAY
The trick is to change shampoos every month, at least for me :) No need to get hair treatments, really. Doesn't matter if it's cheap or expensive shampoo. Conditioners are a lifesaver!
ROSARY HABIT
I've been at it for two weeks straight already, thanks to Peejo's mom who gave me a rose-scented rosary from Rome. I pray it everyday on my way home, and the scent sticks to my hands. I've been praying for different people per mystery everytime; I hope it does wonders :)
SALPICAO FOR DINNER
What a way to ruin someone's diet on the first day! But then again, people always say food here at my house is often better than in a restaurant (hence, walang payat dito!)
It's the little things that make a difference in your day, really. It's up to you if you'll acknowledge them or not :)

Thoughts on winning and winning some more

Let me take a break from my so-called hermit life which I'll adapt in the next three weeks or so. Not all of you may have known that my gym friends and I joined a recently concluded dance competition, and needless to say, we weren't part of the Top 3. We might have been the winners in our friends and family's eyes, but looking back to that very stressful and nerve-wracking day at MOA, we knew deep inside that it wasn't us who had the X-factor that the judges were looking for.

Maybe it was all about the expensive costumes (unfortunately, the lack of support from the management was pretty evident), or the lack of PEP squad-like moves (me doing a backflip? goodness gracious!), or the theme (would we have fared better with a Saturday Night Fever feel?) or the chosen dance genre (I would have to agree that belly dancing was definitely more eye-catching than the common hiphop or street dance, and probably more difficult but I haven't tried it yet). Whatever it is, maybe from the start we weren't destined to win (in the dictionary sense).

Hands down, Master Neil's choreography is something for the books. And the countless hours of practice at the gym and at Tita Agnes' house almost took its toll on everybody's health. Did God want us to win? Of course He did, He always does everytime. But the catch is, do we have the same understanding of winning as He does? The selfish prick would immediately question the judges' decision and would have walked out like Kanye West in the MTV awards or that men's basketball team from Taft (now don't go retaliating about that bonfire incident on me! hahahaha! peace :P) But the humble and understanding heart sees it as an opportunity to count the winning moments in that journey.

Yes, the grand prize money was big and the recognition very overwhelming, but it does take a great deal to accept this fate when we all know that we gave it our best shot. I guess God has other plans for the group, but I believe He gave us this moment to realize the worth of everyone and the value of our friendship and hilarious bonding moments. The fellowship that started from being dance classmates has extended to spouses and children and parents and significant others, even. Now tell me if that's not short of a miracle.

The announcement of winners wasn't the end, it was the beginning of something great. And to you my dear friends whom I've grown to love and consider as an extended family, I would like to say that you, the Alagangstas, are the winners in my heart :)

To Neil - you are the best choreographer I've ever known... even if you are the only choreographer I know hahaha! You made me appreciate the gym again and made me realize that dancing is one thing I can be good at!

To Esa - thank you for all your support and the sleepless nights you've gone through to prepare our costumes, helping out with the choreography and all the preps. You're one very hot momma!!!

To Tita Agnes and Tito Elmer - I've never met anyone as accomodating and as supportive as you! Thank you for lending your house, feeding us and making us feel welcome everytime! Peejo sends his regards to you.

To Lian - what creative hands you have! God bless you dear for helping us out all the way even if you're sick! And I hope you get well very soon.

To Jenny - if not for you, the group will fall apart. Seriously! Remember the time we started talking before a Monday dance class back in the RCBC building? If not for that I wouldn't have met the others nor stuck with Neil's dance classes for that matter. Thank you for befriending me then :)

To Gnet - basta kayo ni Noel, idol namin ni Peejo! Kahit hindi nakakatawa, natatawa ako kasi natatawa ka hahaha! You've been very generous to everyone and I will never forget the Saturday you made us feel like a princess! Mwah!

To Polle - remember the time we bonded sa may South Station? Hahaha! Pati yung dinner natin sa Sushi-ya na kilig na kilig ka sa kwento ko? Looking forward to more bonding and kulitan moments with you!

To Fran - you really are a good dancer, and a very pretty one at that! Malapit ka na magkaboyfriend, I can feel it in my bones! Hahaha! Basta wag lang maging masyadong mapili at baka mauwi sa bungi. Ay, kay Polle pala yon. I'll pray for a good boyfriend for you! Pogi pero average intellect lang, pwede na ba yon? Hahaha!

To Hermes - thank you for saying that I am a good dancer. Most of the time I feel I'm not, but you boost my confidence and I feel good about myself :)

To Will - attorney, ikaw tatakbuhan ko pag may nagdemandang magulang sa kin ha! Hehehe!

Kala ko nakakaiyak na, pampasira pala ng mood ang individual messages ko hahaha!

It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen...

"...then you'll find the reason why one step at a time..." - Jordin Sparks

And so I wonder if it's gonna happen tomorrow... if we'll get first prize in tomorrow's competition. We've been slaving over this for weeks, and I hope everything pays off. I really think we deserve it!

Do drop by the Music Hall of SM Mall of Asia to witness the Grand Aero Fusion of Slimmers World at 5pm! Wear white and support us!!!

The jitters

5 days to go til I put myself up for humiliation hahaha! My legs and bottoms are sore from all the practices and we still have 3 (or 4?) practice sessions to go. Muscle strain na nga talaga. Am so getting a massage next week.

You may ask what on earth I'm talking about. Well, if you happen to be in MOA on Sunday, Oct 12 around 5 pm, then you'll know what I'm talking about. Wear white in support! Hahaha!

Down with the Lehman brothers

(I told Peejo I'll be working on my paper but here I am blogging again tsk tsk tsk...)

Don't ask me about the Wall Street crisis. I was just speedreading through the latest issue of Time and started thinking about my financial status. It's not much I tell you. Not that I'll be filing for bankruptcy anytime soon, but now I'm bothered why there really isn't much in my bank account. What sucks is that I am no big spender (but I don't get paid a lot either) and it's been a practice to transfer all my salary in another account right after I withdraw from the payroll AND YET it never got out of this plateau huhuhu! I blame myself for getting this crappy insurance premium which sucks the life out of me every 3 months when I could have had saved up for a US trip already. It had been different then, WHEN I WAS STILL EARNING FOUR TIMES AS MUCH AS WHAT I'M EARNING NOW! Rats.

Sigh. The pains of being in the noblest profession on earth. I hope my mom and dad extends their pity on me and pay for my US trip this summer (hahahaha!)

And so it was...

... the Ateneo Blue Eagles won the championship game in UAAP's 71st season last Thursday. How can I not beam with pride for my Alma Mater? It was a much-deserved win, having just lost once this season - and that is according to my 4-year old student Rapa who has learned to recognize two-digit numbers from looking at the scoreboard when he watches the games live (e.g. "62 is bigger than 51 so Ateneo wins!"). And guess what! He knows by heart which player wears which number, and who's the center, forward, guard, etc etc! Wow. I want my son to be just like that :)

OK, back to the game. I was only watching from the treadmills with TV at the gym, taking a peek from time to time while we reviewed the steps with Neil. I didn't really see Maierhoffer and the dirty finger, nor the so-called "biased" referee, nor LaSalle's refusal to receive their trophy and medals. The latter totally turned me off, for it just cements how much of a sore loser they are. Really, it makes me think that LaSalle can't accept that they're not even number one with the only thing they're good at. Hahaha. I can feel angry retorts building up from the green side of the fence :) Just read on first!

It really gets ridiculous how they inculcate the school spirit nowadays. Case in point, lifesize posters of the men's basketball team along the walkway? Are you freaking serious?! Talo pa ang mga anito o di kaya mga santo! School merchandise emblazoned with big green/black/white initials displayed in glass cases near the quadrangle? Sheesh. Pero sige, I haven't been to Ateneo in the last 3 years, for all I know they've set up the same pathetic displays (I hope someone can confirm this). During my time, it has never been blatant, I dunno about now tho. Pero naman, there's so much more beyond basketball! But I have to admit, it makes life really exciting hahaha!

Again, back to the game. Sorry for deviating. I mean, do our children really need to see that kind of behavior? Pardon me, my LaSallian friends, I may have already angered you at this point :) I know a lot of you are achievers beyond the realm of basketball, but it's just sad that the reputation that you worked hard for are tainted by a handful of people who are just too full of themselves. And this makes me so proud to be an Atenean all the more. The Blue Eagles may not have always been this strong a contender in the league, but they've always exhibited admirable sportsmanship through and through. And just like Ate Jen said in her blog, if only they willingly accepted their defeat, they would have still emerged victorious in the eyes of their supporters.

How much do you love me?

"I wouldn't think twice about throwing myself in the way of an oncoming truck just to save your life."

Huwaaaaaaw!!!!

Memory gap

We learn a new dance, about 5 sets of 8 counts and I'm fine. But when Neil says we practice the previous one, I'd always go, "Pano ulit yon?" They had to show me the first few steps. Then I can follow. Cool down time and he'll make us dance the new one again, and still I go, "Ummm pano nga ulit?"

Friends would ask me if I've seen this movie and that movie but when they ask me details about it (much more dialogues) and my mind goes blank. If I don't discuss a movie that I just watched with someone, I won't remember it at all, unless I watch it again.

In class, I have to look at the teacher and position myself in front if I really do want to listen and spend my tuition wisely, and I have to replay what transpired during that hour for me to retain what has been discussed. If I didn't care or if I lacked sleep, you'd see me munching on something in the far corner of the room.

Sometimes it bothers me how forgetful I can be. I mean, I'm only 28 and sometimes my mom remembers things and events far better than me! Sheesh. Peejo says I'm just thinking about tons of things all at the same time, leaving me with no room for new information. But sometimes it surprises me how I remember the smallest detail of irrelevant things. Looks like Alzheimer's gonna get me later on.

Sunny days chasing the clouds away...

This blog has been quiet for weeks now. I haven't been THAT busy to write anything, I just didn't feel like it. There's a lot to write about but not enough drive. Anyway, I'm feeling very cheery nowadays for the following reasons:

1. I'M WELL!!! - the antibiotics that Kuya Marts gave me worked (they're expensive so they better work). I consumed the last of it (together with the mucolytic) Thursday morning and I'm feeling as energetic as ever. Peejo and I jogged again around AAV this afternoon an hour after my dance class and I'm very proud to say that I've been running longer! I no longer have shortness of breath and despite the uneven terrain I managed to cover greater distances without having to rest. In less than an hour we finished the route that normally takes an hour and 15 minutes to finish. Yay! I may be able to cover the whole route without resting sooner than I think!

2. I'll be able to attend Fran's birthday and practice on Saturday! - well what do you know, everything's falling according to plan, just when I thought that I'll have a hard time this weekend. Peejo's really a lifesaver! I'll be bonding with gym friends again, and we'll be practicing for this inter-branch dance competition this October. Dancing is one thing that really keeps me going and looking forward to every week. And if we do win first prize, then it's gonna be a feat I'll be damn proud of!

3. Someone's making each day brighter :) - nothing compares to having someone do all sorts of things with you (food trip, Prison Break marathons, jogging, homework, Yoville on Facebook, mass, road trips, concerts... the list goes on and on) and enjoying every minute of it! Okay, okay it stops there lest this post is oozing with cheese. Masaya ko, masaya sya, his family's very warm with me, we vow to take care of ourselves for each other, hehehehe basta yun na yon!

Hmmm... doesn't look like a long list after all. But that's what my life in a nutshell is nowadays :)

What would you say if...

...somebody who's been smoking half his life suddenly quit cold turkey (without being nagged about it) just because "gusto kitang makasama ng mas matagal"?

(and not a puff for almost two weeks now.)

Nakanampuch.

Busy

I knew it. I had this heavy feeling I'm not supposed to be reading fiction... yet. As much as I want to get into the bandwagon of immersing myself into Stephanie Meyer's vampire anthology before the movie adaptation's trailer hit the cinemas (for those who are living under a rock, it's the Twilight series), most of my time's going to be spent on research at least for the month of September (long, boring journal articles are definitely the perfect lullaby).

Patay na. Fall season is about to commence with the season premier of Prison Break season 4 tomorrow (yup, Scylla will be shown Sept 1). Good thing the new episodes of other shows won't be shown at the same time (thank goodness for the spacing hahaha), but I can already imagine myself staying up til the wee hours of the morning downloading or watching them hahaha.

Wisdom and not an easy way out

First of all, thanks to everyone who wished me well and prayed for me for yesterday's defense! I prayed the rosary twice and I offered a mystery (twice) for all of you. You've also been taken care of :)

I look back at the moment when I was praying yesterday, and I realized that I was steering God into doing something for my convenience. I basically prayed that I come out of it with just some minor revisions to work on so I can start right away and end within my self-imposed time frame. Along with it I prayed for organized thoughts, the right words to use, for anxiety to go away, for my panel to be blessed with clear minds and kind words to constructively comment on my study. And guess what, they were all granted except for my first petition.

I was told my study was too complicated and they recommended a similar topic to work on. That means I need to research more, submit it as soon as I can and re-defend my proposal when I'm ready. It also means I have to pay something like 13k again to have my proposal approved. I have to get some local research from UP and Ateneo pa. All for the month of September. Sigh. I wasn't really depressed, but just thinking about it tires me out :( And it's never easy for someone like me to admit I failed, somewhat. On the world wide web for that matter!!! But then again, you might also get something from it :)

Never thought it could be this difficult. Definitely not a walk in the park. And to think I wanted to get another master's degree when I get to the States! Eh loka-loka pala ko eh! Hehehe! But He absolutely knows what He's doing. It was wrong for me to dictate what I want because He's not a genie who just grants wishes. Well, He does grant petitions, but only if it's according to His will. It may have been His will that I go through this not to finish my degree earlier, but to teach me things that I will remember for the rest of my life.

I learned that my parents aren't as judgmental as I once thought they were, and that they were still very supportive of me (and money will never be an issue).
I learned there are people outside my family who will go to great lengths to let me know and feel their support and love for me (thanks so much!).
I learned that only prayers can appease my anxiety (try it, seriously).
I learned that I can never carry any other person's cross but my own (it's a perfect fit).
I learned that I don't necessarily get what I want, but I get what I need.

I learned that the things we value the most are never obtained with a snap of a finger (otherwise, it loses its value, right?).
I am convinced that God will take care of me if I let Him steer my life instead.
And you know what, it's actually not so bad... they recommended a topic that's a lot more doable for me. Maybe what I really needed was some great clarification of things that I should do so I can do it well. It's going to take a great deal of patience for me, but then again, when has life been easy? This time I wasn't given an easy way out, but everything that will get me through this.

Mortified

I've been typing my cue cards since 6AM this morning, I just printed them and it seems like I can't breathe. Countdown to my 2PM thesis proposal defense. By 1130 I should be leaving the house to buy food for my panel. I have butterflies and gas in my stomach...

I was supposed to finish my cue cards last night, but I used the nebulizer in the hopes of expelling the remaining phlegm. It's my first time to use it (my mom and bro are pros because of their once frequent asthma attacks) and it made me lightheaded, my hands started shaking and I was trying to catch my breath. Did I use it wrong or was I just exaggerating? Nevertheless, it knocked me out cold like half an hour later, as I was on my bed scribbling some notes. When I woke up, all I saw were unrecognizable doodles hahaha.

Anyway, I was going over my paper all right, and it just dawned on me how "madugo" the methodology I proposed. Imagine, videotaped observations at home THREE TIMES A WEEK, observations in school THREE TIMES A WEEK FOR EIGHT FAMILIES plus parent/yaya/teacher interviews as supplement if necessary. TO BE SQUEEZED INTO ONE TERM, I think. There is also the possibility of my family respondents to be increased to 10 or more. HUHUHU! I wasn't really nervous about my defense, but from realizing this I think I'm going to have a heart attack!

I'll add one more slide then I'll pray the rosary before I take a shower. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!

Sick thoughts

Of course that's not what I meant! For the whole month of August I was feeling lethargic and I finally caught the flu last Friday with a very irritating and noisy cough that started bugging me 2 weeks ago I think. All this because I wasn't getting enough sleep when I should be all the more because I got into running and Neil's dance moves has gotten a bit more challenging pa. Tigas kasi ng ulo ko eh! Things I realized as I was nursing myself back to health:

I am not superwoman. I've always thought of myself as a healthy person who eats right (most of the time), works out (as much as I can) and exudes with positivity, but I can only do so much. It doesn't help that I work with kids and they're always sick and I haven't been really vigilant with protecting myself against viruses. I tend to do everything even if it's not necessary, which is sometimes not healthy pala hehehe!
Sleep is very very important. I think I can only count the number of times that I got into a deep slumber for the whole month and I remember waking up very energized the next day (and I got to finish several things that other people should have done hahaha refer to number 1). For some reason I wake up several times in the middle of the night due to bad dreams, the need to pee and sometimes I can't get back to sleep. Someone's been thinking of me real bad! Hahaha! I resolve to sleep more this time. They say it helps one's metabolism, so I'm gonna give all the help it needs hahaha!
Continuous meds help a lot. Our family doesn't rely too much on meds. We believe the way to recovery is just complete rest (which I'm not getting a lot of so it's a vicious cycle lang talaga).We don't rely on doctors too unless it's REALLY necessary, and Peejo doesn't get that hahaha. Anyway, since I'm not used to getting sick, I stop taking meds when I feel a little better and that should not be the case hahaha. Ayan tuloy, tumagal pa lalo ubo ko. Might take them for the remainder of the week para sure. Mahirap na ma postpone pa defense ko on Friday (eeep! Please pray for me!)

Sorry it's been a while since I last posted a blog entry, I'm just too nervous for my defense all my thoughts are jumbled up. Maybe after I submit my revisions AFTER my defense then I'll be more relaxed.

Running music

Tinamad na ko mag upload ng music files, you can't download them anyway.

Just to share, here's my favorite running music as of late:

Coldplay - Viva La Vida
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger (bakit ba?! hahaha!)
Fergie - Fergalicious (I'll be up in the gym just working out my fitness he's my witness...)
Good Charlotte - Dance Floor Anthem
Paramore - Crush Crush Crush
Bloc Party - The Prayer
Benny Benassi - California Dreaming
Kat de Luna - Whine Up
Chris Brown - Forever
Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get it Started
More to come!

Running frenzy

I've never felt this tired in a long time. It was a total workout during street jazz class (Give It to Me by Madonna) that even Jheng chose to go home instead of working out some more afterwards. Imagine how I felt, I ran nonstop for half an hour (covering 3.794km yahoo!) and worked on my legs and abs pa before 6pm. I'm still coughing a little. When I got home, I stuffed myself with just a tuna pandesal. I hope, I hope all this pays off.

I've always thought I had weak knees and ankles that's why I'm not so much into sports. I tried surfing last year, it left me with a sore back for a month. I was into boxing for a good six months before but it eventually bored me and I realized I hate contact sports and making my own diskarte. I was never into volleyball nor basketball; swimming was promising but I didn't have the means to do it on a regular basis. I saw myself faithfully attending Neil's hiphop and street jazz classes at the gym and I realized that it was the workout for me. Together with running, I can do it by myself, I didn't need to improvise or strategize and I can work at my own pace. And more than anything, it's cool! Nowadays there's an incessant need naman to run and run and beat my distance everytime (nakakaaddict nga Lili!). I even bought new running shoes this afternoon and Peejo gave me his old Shuffle for a complete running experience hahaha!

For someone as lampa as me, it's really surprising that I was able to run nonstop twice this week! I covered 3.681km the first time and I was really proud of it. Sisiw na lang pala ang 5k run eh! Hahaha! I think it's in the playlist nga talaga. Peejo makes fun of me that I get hyped up with "Eye of the Tiger". Eh bakit ba, it makes me run longer eh! Wala nang pakialamanan! :D

Will post my favorite running music soon. This headache's acting up.

It's a bouncing baby boy!

If you remember my blog post about my 40-something tita who got pregnant again after 14 years, well, SHE GAVE BIRTH ALREADY! Nathaniel Dominic Baloro, 6.4 lbs, was born August 8, 2008, 8:13pm, 5 minutes into the Olympics' Opening Ceremonies in Beijing. We visited them this afternoon in Chinese General and Nathan is the pinkest baby I've seen in the longest time! I saw my lola discreetly wiping away tears as we viewed him in the nursery.

It's weird though, he might go home Tuesday pa or even later. Doctors found him to be yellowish because he acquired my tito's blood type (A) when he should have gotten his mom's (O) daw. So he'll be given around 3 days of light treatment and if his color doesn't improve, he'll be given antibiotics. I don't get it hehehe.

Yikes, cousins 28 years apart. I'm so old!!!

I can't wait to have him home! Pics to come :)

What a feat!

OK, I may have overworked myself this time, but I was too motivated to stop (is that good or bad?). Every single weekday of this week I engaged myself in physical activity, strenuous ones at that. Dance class/treadmill/weights, treadmill/weights, jogging, dance class/treadmill/weights, jogging: in that order. I've been trying to limit my rice intake to one meal a day, no unnecessary junk food snacking, and not thinking about chocolates and cake. I actually passed up on ice cream one time. TODO NA TO! Kaya naman pala eh. So here I am having a hard time getting out of bed because I'm aching all over hahaha! Give me a month of doing this, I'll be a changed woman... naks! :D

Thanks Lili for suggesting I check out running music from Nikeplus.com. Found that fast upbeat music actually helps a lot. Wednesday jogging was quite difficult because our AAV route was uphill-downhill and I kept stopping after just 5 minutes. Thursday on the treadmill I used my Zen and was surprised to find that even after 10 minutes of running I didn't feel the need to stop (but I did because somebody was about to use it). I might just be able to join a running event soon yay!

Am loving this!!!

Caught by surprise

I know, I know you guys missed me! Hahaha. It's been a toxic 2-3 weeks but I'm still alive and kicking. I would have blogged about the things that transpired, but then I'll be always woozy from lack of sleep. I'm guilty that this stress is just the consequence of my procrastination and I have to do something about it, maybe next week.... hahaha!

There have been a lot of wonderful little surprises over the past 2 weeks, not just for me but for my friends too (this Sunday's gospel about the Multiplication of the Loaves and Fish being aptly so). Two Fridays ago, I was able to submit my thesis proposal to the department chair with just five minutes to spare after sprinting from the photocopier at UM all the way to Andrew Hall in maybe 7 minutes (think half the distance of one LRT station to another). Man, THAT WAS A WORKOUT! Good thing Bianca gave me a ride from Alabang to Makati to conserve my energy. Otherwise I wouldn't have made it. So now I'm waiting for my proposal defense schedule which may come out the next week. It's time for me to get rid of the mountain of paper and books on my bedroom floor.

Monday night was CC time at Trish's place in Valero Street. Twas nice to see a lot of SE13 again! We can't get enough of each other that before we knew it, it was already midnight and we surprised Shep Sons with food and cake care of Ira of course, and we gave him this hilarious picture of him in a Darth Vader costume (complete with a glowing light saber) and Ira in a pretty Snow White costume) which we specifically instructed to display in their future home in Singapore (incidentally, that Halo-ween night he was made to read the gospel and he didn't take off the mask until he can't breathe anymore hahahaha). That brought the house down.

Of course Gian, who was one of the perpetrators of Shep Sons' surprise, was surprised herself. We presented her with 5 big boards full of birthday greetings from SE13 and other SE classes, which was originally MC's idea. So glad to see how her face lit up then :)

I thought the day was over at around 1am when Peejo and I were dropped off at the ATC parking lot. He opened Pat's trunk to give me these:



He said he just wanted to give me flowers to show how much he appreciates me doing good things for him and other people :) My heart melted again. The bouquet was really big! He even wore pink that day to match it hehehe! Sigh. He really is my Good Karma :)

Wait! There's more!
- Thursday night we were at Worship practice, and they don't usually do this for the new members, but we'll be singing with Praise at the prayer meeting tonight! Woohoo!!!
- Seriously contemplating about losing weight. Peejo and I vowed to jog Wednesday afternoons and just gorge on hefty apple-ham-cheese sandwiches when we get hungry (which is all the time). Was able to work out 3 times this week which is already a big improvement for me. Hoping I can keep up with it til December!!!

Getting back in shape

I think I did the right thing this morning. I had a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal. I packed some soup for my lunch and vowed not to eat anything in between. Hmmm so far I've been "good" although I had to have some meat in my system so I grabbed a chicken nugget. The Blue Room celebrated Noah's birthday so I had a bit of lasagna with my soup and crackers. This afternoon I may have had consumed a total handful of unshelled macadamia nuts and I can't wait to find out what's for dinner. I am psyching myself to eat fruits tonight, if I can help it. I hope Ate Josie cooks an unappealing fish dish tonight.

I think it's all in the mind when you want to lose a few pounds. Well, in my case, a considerable number. I think I gained from bingeing since March :( and all the more I felt challenged to get back in shape when I saw an old picture from my Myspace album:



Waaaah!!!!! This was taken Nov 2005 after Mia's wedding in Cavite. Why oh why am I not able to go back to the good old days?! Huhuhu! But I remember at that moment I was still feeling fat and flabby. If my old self can see me now she'd be disgusted!

So after gorging on a cheeseburger, chicken nuggets with rice, large fries, large Sprite and a hot fudge sundae (Peejo kasi eh!) AT 4PM, I vowed to work on losing weight again, this time for good (crossing fingers). And then after a few hours my mom calls us for dinner and since she took some time to prepare something for us, we ate again! You're not helping, Mom!

I think baby steps are fine, as long as I'm aware of what I put in my mouth. I hope I'll get to lose weight in time for Christmas!

There's only one word for this

Your touch is electric, I felt it the first time you held me
The way we connected so easily

I've tried to define it, searched for the perfect phrase
I've tried to describe it in a million different ways

It's joy, it's ecstacy, it's truth, it's destiny
And even love is not enough to tell you how you make me feel
There's only one word for this, it's bliss

I've got to admit it, you took my heart by surprise
Don't know how you did it but baby, I've never felt so alive

Hey, you know, baby, know what the future holds
As long as you're here with me

It's faith, it's honesty, it's life, it's everything
To say "I love you" is not enough to tell you how you make me feel

Okay, okay I know it doesn't get any cheesier than this, but it really can't be helped hahaha! All you cynical souls out there, consider me your living proof!!! Indeed, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. I dunno why this time and why under these circumstances but I think it's best just to take it all in and bask in the blissfulness of it all!

I guess it all stems from the spiritual decision I recently made, and at the onset of this so-called new life, I've been the recepient of so many blessings - a new-found appreciation for the little things of everyday, longer patience in dealing with difficult people and circumstances, focus to accomplish my priorities, the most adorable children who make me laugh the hardest, friends who always express their utmost concern and love for me, an understanding family, and a significant other who has done so much more for me than anyone else combined (and continues to do so!).

********

On a lighter note....I was in extreme menstrual pain last night and by 9pm I was asleep. I woke up at 5am and started working on my proposal again. I've been sleeping 12mn onwards everyday and I realized how much you can accomplish if you get 8 hours of sleep pala! Hahaha. My morning was even made brighter with Sausage McMuffin and hash browns (yum!)

Self Interest Now?

This phrase has got to be the most powerful I've ever come across, and may as well be forever etched in my memory, thanks to the very entertaining Fr. Larry Tan. Just take the first letter of each word and you'll know what this phrase means. Stripped to the core, anything that puts yourself first is that. Of course it will forever be a struggle, but I realized it's His grace alone that will bring you through everything. Indeed, one must pay a price to gain something great. But it's really a no-brainer decision you know, if you just think about what lies beyond the moment you surrender yourself.

And so I did last weekend during the LSS. And I was completely liberated from everything that has been haunting me. An overwhelming sense of peace surrounds me up to this day and I pray that it doesn't cease. Today marks the rest of my blessed, blissful life, with God in the center, guiding me and My Good Karma in everything we do and say. It's equally touching that our friends are very happy for us and are even praying for us too. May this be a sign that things are slowly falling into place :)

Totally unexpected

Nothing can ever make you feel like a woman (a much-loved one at that) than being given a bouquet of beautiful flowers tied in ribbons. And in this case, it's the most beautiful I've ever received, it being totally unexpected but hoped for nevertheless.

The perfect words never crossed my mind
'Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me.

All I wanted just sped right past me
While I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out.

There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close 'cause I need you to guide me to safety.

No I won't wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.

There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close 'cause I need you to guide me to safety.

No I won't wait forever


This may just be my good karma waiting to happen :)

Fortunate Friday the 13th

I'm not the superstitious kind, but it surprises me to find out that a supposedly unlucky day actually turn out to be something worth remembering. This is also to cap off and reminisce about the week gone past.

1. It's our first week at school, and even if our hands are full with more than 20 kids this schoolyear, I feel it's going to be a great year! There may be a handful with separation issues but they're slowly warming up to me. I can't wait to show you their pictures! There's a kid who looks a lot like Jack Black who says "Mahiyig ako kumanta ng Ayown (Alone)" and there's another toddler who looks like a first grader (in size) who said "you know, we have to make an international airport with windows because if not, the airplane will make sagasa the people" and there's another chubby-cheeked boy who's half the size of the first grader look-alike who often bumps himself into things. Waaah. They're absolutely adorable!

2. I got to meet Neil's youngest, si Troy, na supposedly pinaglihi sa marshmallows (the big white Kraft ones). This is him! Sobrang steady! First time I held him, he laid his head on my shoulder na agad. Aba, pwede palang ikidnap haha! And then I found a piece of chicharon in his little fist eh kakaligo ko lang nun hahaha he might be smothering me with chicharon drool na pala. Aww meeen. Gusto ko na ata talaga magka-baby!!! Hahaha!

3. I think I was able to lengthily work on my thesis proposal this week even if it meant a LOT of reading. I'm not yet done though -- when will this ever end? :( Someone's praying for me and with me about it, so I guess it will be pretty much taken care of by Him :) -- IF I DON'T SLACK OFF!!!

4. I met several interesting people last night (Friday) over big slabs of meat, mashed potatoes and pasta (yum yum!) Like what I told my friend, I have been living a relatively sheltered life and it's always nice to get to know people whose past experiences are completely different from mine, because they serve as an eye opener for me. I am able to take their realizations as my own and turn it into a learning experience. Maybe sensitivity is really one of my best characteristics. It's actually a good deal you know, because I'm spared from the negativity of it all and yet I gain a lot from it nevertheless. Normally these people would scare the shit out of me, but it's not so bad after all. They're human too, and as capable of doing good as much as I am. And the most admirable of it all? They have a newfound zest for life that you might not even see in the people you encounter everyday in this lifetime. It's a welcome change to hear words of affirmation easily exchanged within a group, with no inhibitions, nobody thinking it's corny or gay or full of crap. It's genuine concern for the well-being of each other. How often do you see that?

5. Spiritual rejuvenation every Friday and LSS sessions. I think it's very essential because it keeps me grounded and reminds me that gaining something great takes conscious effort. Best served in the company of friends who share the same values as you :)

6. Glad to orchestrate something that made some friends happy. I don't really want to be a pushover, I just want everyone else to be as happy as I am! :) I'm feeling really excited for things to come!!!

A mom-daughter conversation

Pardon me, this is just too ridiculous not to post.

Me: Ma, sa Starbucks na lang ako magwowork.

Mom: Ano?! Pwede ba, intindihin mo na nga lang yang thesis mo!

Me: Oo nga ginagawa ko naman ah. Sa Starbucks nga ako magwowork.

Mom: (voice raising) Ikaw, ang dami-dami mong gustong gawin sa buhay mo, wala ka namang natatapos! Pag ikaw hindi ka nakapag-defend this term hindi ka na talaga mag-eenrol, nagsasayang ka ng pera...

Me: Kaya nga ginagawa ko na eh!

And then it dawned on me that she thought I WANTED TO GET A JOB AT STARBUCKS!!! It was like more than a year ago that I expressed a desire to try being a barista. Sheesh! She started laughing when I corrected myself, "Sa Starbucks na lang ako gagawa ng thesis." Kasi naman, ako pa daw ang may kasalanan at hindi ko nilinaw. Meeen, dahil ba sa init ito?!

Little things

The new schoolyear starts on Tuesday and I just enrolled this morning for Thesis Writing 3. With 10 3-year-olds in my class (most of them first-time students) and a July 26 deadline for thesis proposal defense application, it really looks like it's going to be very toxic 2 months for me. I think my heart just palpitated from impending stress :(

In any case, I miss blogging and before this account settles into inactivity again, let me look recount some happy little things as of late.

1. Charm gave birth to Caitlin Ann! Some best friend that I am, I didn't even know when she gave birth. I just saw her baby's pictures on Friendster (whose caption said "one week old"). Tsk tsk. Babies are always a blessing! I wanna have one too! Hahaha!

2. LSS sessions every Friday and CC last Thursday - nothing beats a strong dose of spiritual rejuvenation in the company of friends where genuine concern for each other is apparent. One thing I learned, He manifests His love with the people around you. I am human and I have human needs which can only be given by another human. God uses my friends and family to make me feel important and loved through their words of affirmation, physical affection/emotional warmth, their acts of service, the seemingly little gifts they give me, and the time they spend with me. Now that's the five languages of love for you!

3. Good times with friends - watching 21 Tuesday afternoon, hanging out at my house on Wednesday, hanging out at Aweng's house with tons of food last Thursday, Gnet's birthday dinner at Leslie's after shopping for her gift at Nike, hanging out at Brothers Burger last night. It doesn't take a lot to make me smile, really. More so make me laugh! :)

4. I think I fairly did a good job with decorating the Green Room. Big thanks to Vannie, Bianca and Yaya Ces for helping out. I can't wait to see my babies on Tuesday!!!

Sigh. Wish me luck with my thesis.

Adik!

...sa kakablog sa Multiply. I wasted another day in front of the computer. I still haven't taken a shower and it's 4:33pm!!! (Ok, too much information.) I haven't touched my thesis again, my room and my closet looked like a cyclone hit it, and if I wasn't reminded, I would've gone to a closed UP main library tomorrow!

What's with blogging anyway? I have lost count on the number of blogs I churn out everyday (and it's going to be a week of doing nothing for me) and I still have so much to say. I could actually make some money out of this habit, but honestly, it takes the fun out of writing. It's fun to write about something, but eventually becomes a chore when I seriously think about its content, tone, length, included links, aesthetics, etc. etc. There's a certain irreplaceable fullfillment when people laugh and comment on my blog posts and consider themselves as a fan of my writing :) My heart bursts with joy when I'm told that their day is not complete without reading something from me. As Fara would figuratively say back in college, "Nakaka-fat ng heart!" Hahaha!

See? I'm an addict! I blog about why I blog, how I blog, what I blog about... it's endless! But therapeutic nevertheless :)

I hear my stomach grumbling and there's the smell of newly deep-fried french fries wafting from the kitchen. I'll sign off for the meantime but you very well know I'll be back in a few hours :)

In awe of The One who gave it all

*Thanks to Jolina for this shot. Amazing!*

And so I found myself last night in the confines of the Araneta Coliseum. I was still pinching myself to check if it was real because we scored tickets at the last minute (I'll forever be grateful for it)! If it was UAAP season, you'd think an Ateneo-La Salle game is about to start, with the throngs of people milling around and finding their seats. We got there a few minutes before Hillsong United belted out the opening strings. By then, the Big Dome was packed to the rafters, and it was an absolutely amazing sight to behold!

It was only during the SE13 weekend that I became familiar with their songs, and it would be difficult not to be taken by their words and melodies. That started my affinity for anything Hillsong and I found my other co-lambs liking the same songs as I do. Sometimes when I do get on a reflective mood, I listen to them and they move me to tears. How much more phenomenal is it being in the same place with these very blessed artists and thousands of people singing and worshipping with you? I was wiping tears of overwhelming joy as I listened to these words: "Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause as I walk from nothing to eternity."

If only more people would let God into their lives like the people worshipping last night, if only our prayers could help the oppressed and open the eyes of the unbelievers, the world will surely be a better place for everyone. And so they posed a challenge last night, that we may become His hands and feet in bringing salvation to the rest to the world.

It was an experience too good not to share. Now I know you can never be too crazy for Jesus :)

Chickenjoy dreams

Ok, here's the last of my useful musings that got published (and pretty darn proud about it because it doesn't often happen you know hahaha). Enjoy!

Youngblood : Chickenjoy dream

First posted 03:01am (Mla time) Jan 03, 2006
By Teresa Patricia B. Bernal
Inquirer

Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the January 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer


IT WAS already past 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten my lunch yet. I had gone to the gym and proceeded to school to check my grades. I had dropped by my old office to check on my friends but I was told they were attending a meeting, so I decided to go home.

Alighting from the Baclaran station of the LRT, I saw a Jollibee store and decided to eat. I had another 1 1/2-hour ride before I would reach home and I was feeling hungry. I went into the store, gave my order and sat at the nearest table available and stretched my legs. I had been on the road for almost two hours going from Alabang to La Salle, and after half an hour, I caught the train on my way back home. I was pooped, and the last meal I had was nothing more than a bowl of oatmeal.

When my food came, a small grimy boy about four years of age approached my table, begging for alms. I instinctively shooed him away, and started to eat while he went on to the next table, asking for loose change from the other patrons.

Although I was tired and really hungry, I lost some of my appetite soon after taking a few bites. I began to search for the boy inside the store, hoping he was still around. I saw him being shooed by other people, and I wished he would pass by my table again so I could make it up to him.

When he moved within earshot, I called out to him. I asked him if he had already eaten, which was really a stupid question because he looked like he hadn't had a decent meal for days.
I asked him if he wanted the same stuff as what I was eating. He said he wanted a toy. But the "kiddie meal" only included an educational VCD, which I was sure he wouldn't have any use for. I decided to buy him the "chickenjoy and spaghetti meal" instead. I told him to watch my food while I went back to the counter to order his meal.

When I turned around to ask him what drink he would like, he had this wide smile on his face that seemed to say, "I can't believe I have hit a jackpot with this crazy woman who was willing to buy me some chickenjoy." And the thought made me smile, too.

I went back to my seat and asked him to wait for his food. I asked for his name but he just mumbled something. I was shocked to know that he lived in Apelo, a good 10 minutes by car, and a good half-hour on foot. How on earth did he get here and who was he with? It was raining and the streets were muddy.

He again told me he was wishing for a toy, but I explained there was none at Jollibee. "Sana nag-McDo na lang tayo, may laruan dun," he said, obviously disappointed. "Pasaway ka talaga. Namili ka pa! (You are really naughty and very picky too,)" I chided him gently. But I couldn't really blame him; he was probably as surprised as I was that I had bought him a meal.

He asked for P20, saying his mother had instructed him to buy a kilo of rice if he would have enough money. I was starting to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness. But when I asked him how many siblings he had and he showed me seven fingers, and said they were five in the family. I gave him some coins anyway.

I asked him to read the number written on the plastic marker, and he told me it was 13. When I said it was 2, he snickered. I told him to count the coins in his hand, and he said there were five. But there was more.

I thought how sad it was that this boy could not count and recognize numbers while my 5-year-old niece could already count to 100. I wondered what his future would be, and I thought it was most likely that he would grow up and try to earn a living by thieving and end up in jail. He knew very little more than begging, roaming the streets without slippers, and shouting profanities at his playmates. And his mother had imposed upon him the responsibility of bringing home some rice that he could share with his siblings.

When his food came securely taped, I told him to share it with his mom when he got home. Again, he gave me such a big smile that it showed most of his stained little baby teeth. Then he left, without a word.

I was filled with one of the best feelings I had in a very long time, pleased with what I had done and happier still to see his big, grateful smile. I had lost my appetite completely, but the thought of the long ride home prompted me to finish my meal. As I left the store, I saw him at the foot of the stairs, clutching the plastic bags. When he saw me, he again flashed his big smile and I noticed that spaghetti sauce was all over his face. I waved at him to say goodbye and walked to the jeepney stop. He might not have known how to say thank you, but that smile said everything for me. I was grinning from ear to ear all the way home.

I've been told that Thursday is a lucky day for Pisceans. My horoscope says so, and the day has been holding some little surprises for me for years now. But that particularly Thursday, I had gotten out of bed feeling miserable and convinced that nothing could get me out of that mood. But what do you know? The surprise was of my own doing, and ironically, I ended up surprised, too.

I must admit that I'm a snob. I don't want to have anything to do with strangers, and I hate filthy beggars. I seldom commute and I don't care much for fast food. So who would have thought that I would be doing all those things in one day and come out of it happy lot? The kid had his Chickenjoy dream fulfilled, but that experience could very well be the start of my pursuit for self-realization.

Defining moments

Found this on my Sent folder and as much I would want to include some proof I got this from the Inquirer website (specifically on October 24, 2000) I don't have a way to do so. Too bad their archives don't include Youngblood articles as far back as this, and I only have 1 hard copy left. Pardon the idealism because I wrote this right after college graduation. In any case, be amused and may it lead you to reflect :)


Defining moments

My friend and I were in the car, on our way to Glorietta 4 to catch a movie with the rest of the group. She then asked me if some life-defining moment ever occurred. I wasn't sure what she was talking about and I didn't have a quick answer for that. I remember her telling me that one of her life-defining moments was looking at a framed picture by her bedside, a picture of her and her gorgeous boyfriend, her arms around his neck, in a candid pose. Or something like that. I remember laughing, since I could have thought of that too. She then explained that a life-defining moment was something you'd like to happen in the future no matter how far-off or crazy it might be. It was like a goal of some sort, but it's just something conjured up to tickle the imagination. We didn't dwell on that for long, for the conversation reverted to Harry Potter's new adventures and the movie that we were about to watch that afternoon.

I totally forgot about it, until a kabarkada now based in Seattle shared her own life-defining moment through e-groups, after that friend of mine (whom I watched the movie with) shared a brand-new one. They were all seeing themselves as successful IT professionals in power suits rushing from their pad to their office in Manhattan's Upper West Side. They were either carrying Louis Vuitton bags or their slim Compaq notebooks, while talking with a client on their top-of-the-line mobile phones and the most expensive Armani shades protecting their eyes from the glare of the sun.

Another friend saw herself making her way through an airport to catch her direct flight to London and eventually being seated beside a terribly good-looking classmate back in Wharton Business School, their small talk eventually leading to dinner and an invitation to join him on a cruise in the Bahamas. One saw herself managing her own café down Central Park, with regular customers becoming her friends and being asked to dinner by a mysterious gray-eyed guy who's supposed to look like Rob Thomas.

Another friend saw himself in a crisp business suit with all his hi-tech gadgets one could ever imagine, on a date with his stunning model girlfriend. Unfortunately they were mugged in a dark alley and his girlfriend was taken away to be raped by the three goons…and he ended it by saying that he became a priest because of that traumatic experience and his stunning girlfriend entered the nunnery to forget about the whole thing…he was obviously making a mockery of their LDMs (life-defining moments) but we all found it hilarious anyway.

I had a blast reading all of them and I couldn't keep my shoulders from shaking with suppressed laughter, and people from the office think I might be a lunatic or something, laughing by myself. I was really surprised and delighted to discover how creative and witty my friends could be. I could almost see them all grown up in their power suits, leather trench coats and flashy gadgets. It would really be nice if I could see it for real. I realized that most of us, including me, have to have some sort of association with New York or somewhere bigatin. For us it's the ultimate sign of success and one can't help but think if there was really a chance for us out there.

Most of the girls were done sharing, and I felt pressured to think of something as funny as theirs, but original. I couldn't think of anything as I stared at the computer monitor. On the way home, I was still racking my brains for the perfect life-defining moment. I felt all the funny stuff had been used up and I decided to get serious for a change.

And it wasn't easy. I never realized that taking it seriously would entail a great deal of soul-searching on my part. Unconsciously I drifted back to stuff I learned from philosophy to find out what I consider most important to achieve fulfillment in life. Was it working in New York? Having a luxurious lifestyle? Cruising in the Bahamas? Owning a yacht?

Knocking my head as the van went over some humps, my life-defining moment suddenly became clear. I could see myself in a white sundress with a wreath of flowers in my hair and a bouquet in my hands, giddy as a schoolgirl, as I take a slow step toward the priest waiting by the makeshift altar, as my husband of 50 years waits on. In his crisp white shirt, he looked dashing as ever, despite his salt-and-pepper hair (straight out of a romance novel!) He's wearing that same smile that still makes me feel that I'm the most beautiful girl for him despite the wrinkles and the nearsightedness, among other things…the smile that made me fall in love with him long, long ago…

My eldest grandson is our best man, and the first granddaughter, our maid of honor. The rest of the grandchildren comprise the entourage, while our two great-grandkids became the ring bearer and the flower girl. The guys in the family take after their lolo's good looks and sense of humor, and of course, the girls take after their lola's beauty and charming personality! It was an all-expenses-paid trip to the still pristine beaches of Boracay, one of my favorite places in the world, for the whole clan and friends back in college, with their spouses (and nurses probably, considering it will be quite difficult for senior citizens like us to travel).

We renew our vows as the sun slowly dips into the horizon, an equally romantic reenactment of what happened half a century ago, on the same spot. Our daughter dabs her made-up eyes with her handkerchief, and our two sons can't help but be proud that their parents have come this far, and hoping it will be the same with their respective wives.

Of course this is assuming that I get married between 25 and 27 years old and I don't contract any life-threatening disease during my lifetime. I may not have much control on what age I'll get hitched, but I can still do something about being healthy and being strong enough to attend my older grandchildren's college graduation. I know chances are slim that I'll reach that far, considering marriages and families aren't as solid as they ought to be, with premarital sex, adultery and divorce as normal as being stuck in traffic every morning. But then again, I'm an old-fashioned, idealistic hopeless romantic.

I smile contentedly as I finished off the last sentence of my reply to our e-groups. Now that is something worth looking forward to. All of a sudden the dream of having a skyscraper for an office, clicking my boot heels on the pavements of 5th Avenue and collecting frequent flyer miles fade in the background. I realize I don't need slim notebooks, personal digital assistants or fancy cars after all. It's all about having healthy children and grandchildren who grow up to be successful individuals. Being able to rock a great-grandchild to sleep. Savoring quiet dinners and long conversations with old friends. Enjoying the spectacular display of light at sunset and daybreak, the eerie yellow full moon and the shower of stars on a clear night. And of course, spending the rest of your comfortable life (not necessarily luxurious) with someone who always makes you feel loved. What good would all the money and fame bring you if you can't enjoy the simpler, but more valuable things in life? One may not feel successful without a high-paying job or a CEO position, but after all is said and done, it all boils down to all the things that money can't buy.



So, what is your life-defining moment? :)

Half-empty or half-full?

If I want to feel really sorry for myself, I'll just have to recite this mantra over and over: "I'm almost bankrupt. My career is going nowhere. At 28, I have nothing to my name and I have no one with me."

But I choose not to. Because being miserable doesn't go well with the humid and unpredictable weather. The more I dwell on the not-so-good things in my life, I attract more of it. It will bog me down and will find myself in much deeper shit that I had thought. It will cause more unwanted wrinkles and blemishes than I can manage. The good stuff might no longer come my way. Who would want that?

I find that it makes me feel energized to start a brand new week if I zone in on recent positive events and looking forward to more good things slated to happen.

1. People trust me with their secrets. For some reason, some of my friends (even those I'm not really close to) willingly spill out their secrets without me having to wring it from them. They seek out my girly advice (read: more guys than girls go to me for consultation, maybe I should start charging hahaha) as if I'm the expert on these things. I do appreciate that they find me trustworthy for it gives me a sense of purpose and responsibility. Like what I always say: "It stops with me." And so far I haven't disappointed them. In the process, I get to learn more about them and the workings of the testosterone-activated mind. Thanks for the laughs and I hope I make sense :)

2. Somebody's taking time out to be with me and do things for me. This is not a common occurence so it's really overwhelming. It's still too early to tell, but I'm vehemently being rational about things. It's good that we're friends and even if I don't look it, everything done for me is very much appreciated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

3. I have a week to do nothing. Therefore, I have no excuse to start thinking about and working again on my future. Time to dust off my thesis materials and get used to reading boring journals and research once more. Someone I know wrote on his blog that he's writing a children's book. Maybe I should start working on that dream too.

4. I may be almost bankrupt, but I already settled all my bills. There's nothing more liberating than paying off your debts. My bank account may have reached utmost critical level but I'll get my salary in a few days so it's all good. It's really a miracle I can still pay off my insurance premium being just a minimum wage earner. Thank God for my very generous dad who pays my credit card bill.

Life is really what you make it. So, is yours something to smile about?

20 things you want to say

Looks like it's going to take me the whole night to finish this (and another few hours wasted haha)

The rules are simple: List 20 things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are...

1. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to find myself, and the concern you've always shown me. I will never forget that you said I'll get to live the happiest life among us three. Sana ilibre mo rin ako ng Wagyu hahaha.

2. From the moment I met you, I knew I want to be just like you. Hopefully not the old maid part hahaha.

3. A friend told me that I should set my standards according to you because you are one to be idolized. Too bad you're off the market already. Lucky girlfriend!

4. It saddens me that you can't be as honest with me as I am with you.

5. Pwede ba, tantanan mo na ko! Don't you get it? I DON'T LIKE YOU!!! Sige magsayang ka pa ng piso mo!

6. Is it you? Is it you? Are you the one I've been waiting for? Could you be the one for me? Could you be the one I need?

7. Here you go again with your yabang kwentos, which I should have gotten used to already. And I will have to put up with you again. Sigh!

8. I will never forget the time I saw you come in with hair like a chessboard (with blonde square-like streaks). Kala mo napakagwapo mo?! JOLOGS!

9. I'm really sorry I acted very immaturely then. I could only imagine how confused and angry you felt. Glad you're happy with someone now.

10. I never told you back then that your dad reminded me so much of Stitch (as in Lilo and Stitch) but I've always admired him for his great accomplishments.

11. Bakit ang sungit mo? May ginawa ba ko sa yo? Kala ko pa naman mabait ka, sabi nila kasi eh.

12. My friend saw you in Starbucks in a very ugly orange tunic. I saw you lining up at the ticket booth of Festival Cinemas. You invited me to your party a few months ago. Do you remember that you held my hand during your party last year? What was that all about?

13. I would've considered you if only nagseryoso ka lang. Ang gulo gulo mo eh, sino magtatyaga sa yo? Although I have to say galante ka talaga :D

14. Even if it was short-lived, it was pretty daring and exciting. You taught me one thing - that I'm not that kind of girl after all.

15. I'm always at home in your home. If I could choose parents other than my own, I'd choose yours. You are so lucky to have them.

16. So have you gotten married already? I'm still wondering what made you decide I'm a lost cause. But it's all good.

17. No matter what they say, I still think you make good decisions for everyone. Will forever be grateful that you gave me a chance even if I was clueless then. I just don't like that you always have an irritating scowl on your face.

18. I had a crush on your brother.

19. I thought you were cute and interesting, but I don't think we have a lot in common. It's not really much of a loss that I no longer see you around.

20. I used to stalk you on Friendster with the very little information I had on hand. How come you don't go to the gym anymore?

Backing me up

Had a very enlightening heart-to-heart talk with my mom last Sunday, and I'm really glad we had that conversation because it cleared certain things between us. She admitted that her Wednesday novenas are always for me and the one that's meant for me, that I be blessed with wisdom to say and do the right things. (Whoa. O di ba. She thinks my lovelife, or lack thereof, needs the intercession of our Mother of Perpetual Help hahaha!) I barely tell her anything about the state of my lovelife but I'm sure she knows exactly the state of my emotions at any given time (considering my eyes tell it all). It was really nice to be honest with her this time, and it was pretty much obvious that she appreciated it. Sniff. Now I know I'll always be alright because I've got my mom to back me up! :)

Newsworthy

My mom is annoyed that I know nothing about what's happening around. She says I'm too engrossed in blogging and chatting to bother reading the news. When I finally do get interested in current events, I see this on the Saturday morning paper: Bloodbath in bank: 9 shot in the head. Okaaay. That is soooo grabbing my attention and makes me hunger for more.

One should not be blamed for cancelling newspaper subscriptions. There is so much drama in one's life that one should not hunger for other people's dramas. And besides, how on earth can you face the day with a smile when you're greeted with tragedy? If it's not about heinous crimes, it's about what Kris thinks about something or the "explosive truth" the recently evicted PBB housemate is about to drop. YOU CALL THAT NEWS?! Yawn.

The news I'm most certainly looking forward to is David Cook being hailed as the new American Idol.

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten

Robert Fulghum says, "Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school." Upholding the credibility of all preschool teachers like me is far from being the main point of this blog entry.

Since summer class starts at 9am, I find myself still sipping coffee at 7am while my niece watches the morning cartoons. I spread cream cheese on my bread to the beat of the theme from Thomas and Friends "They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight..." Today's episode featured Spencer, a bullet train regularly used by the Duke and Duchess, who always boasts how fast, strong and shiny he is compared to the other tank engines. Thomas wanted so much to be like him. He wanted to see how fast he can be, but Emily warned him he's not built to be as fast as a bullet train. He wanted to see how strong he was, but he can barely bring loads of heavy stones up the mountain. He had himself polished very well, but ended up getting really dusty from his tasks. At the end of the day, he found himself to be side by side with Spencer, who was still getting warmed up (he had a diesel engine). The Duke suddenly arrived, hurrying because he had a plane to catch. Since Spencer wasn't ready, he chose Thomas to bring him back to the mainland (these engines lived on an island whose name I forgot). So the Duke's crest was placed on Thomas' and he proudly huffed and puffed all the way to the airport and the Duke arrived on time. Thomas was highly commended for a job well done.

Moral of the story: It doesn't matter how fast or how strong or how shiny you are, what matters is how reliable you can be.

We are living in a cynical, cynical world (quoting Jerry Maguire on this). No matter how hard we fight it, our thoughts and actions reflect the filth of the system that we are living in, and we oftentimes fail to uphold the values we think we are strongly attached to. If you feel you're being sucked into a blackhole, try tuning in to children's shows (or get yourself surrounded by children). You'll find that the more important truths are the simplest. And you don't need a master's degree to understand it.