...sa kakablog sa Multiply. I wasted another day in front of the computer. I still haven't taken a shower and it's 4:33pm!!! (Ok, too much information.) I haven't touched my thesis again, my room and my closet looked like a cyclone hit it, and if I wasn't reminded, I would've gone to a closed UP main library tomorrow!
What's with blogging anyway? I have lost count on the number of blogs I churn out everyday (and it's going to be a week of doing nothing for me) and I still have so much to say. I could actually make some money out of this habit, but honestly, it takes the fun out of writing. It's fun to write about something, but eventually becomes a chore when I seriously think about its content, tone, length, included links, aesthetics, etc. etc. There's a certain irreplaceable fullfillment when people laugh and comment on my blog posts and consider themselves as a fan of my writing :) My heart bursts with joy when I'm told that their day is not complete without reading something from me. As Fara would figuratively say back in college, "Nakaka-fat ng heart!" Hahaha!
See? I'm an addict! I blog about why I blog, how I blog, what I blog about... it's endless! But therapeutic nevertheless :)
I hear my stomach grumbling and there's the smell of newly deep-fried french fries wafting from the kitchen. I'll sign off for the meantime but you very well know I'll be back in a few hours :)
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
In awe of The One who gave it all
*Thanks to Jolina for this shot. Amazing!*
And so I found myself last night in the confines of the Araneta Coliseum. I was still pinching myself to check if it was real because we scored tickets at the last minute (I'll forever be grateful for it)! If it was UAAP season, you'd think an Ateneo-La Salle game is about to start, with the throngs of people milling around and finding their seats. We got there a few minutes before Hillsong United belted out the opening strings. By then, the Big Dome was packed to the rafters, and it was an absolutely amazing sight to behold!
It was only during the SE13 weekend that I became familiar with their songs, and it would be difficult not to be taken by their words and melodies. That started my affinity for anything Hillsong and I found my other co-lambs liking the same songs as I do. Sometimes when I do get on a reflective mood, I listen to them and they move me to tears. How much more phenomenal is it being in the same place with these very blessed artists and thousands of people singing and worshipping with you? I was wiping tears of overwhelming joy as I listened to these words: "Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause as I walk from nothing to eternity."
If only more people would let God into their lives like the people worshipping last night, if only our prayers could help the oppressed and open the eyes of the unbelievers, the world will surely be a better place for everyone. And so they posed a challenge last night, that we may become His hands and feet in bringing salvation to the rest to the world.
It was an experience too good not to share. Now I know you can never be too crazy for Jesus :)
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Chickenjoy dreams
Ok, here's the last of my useful musings that got published (and pretty darn proud about it because it doesn't often happen you know hahaha). Enjoy!
Youngblood : Chickenjoy dream
First posted 03:01am (Mla time) Jan 03, 2006
By Teresa Patricia B. Bernal
Inquirer
Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the January 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
IT WAS already past 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten my lunch yet. I had gone to the gym and proceeded to school to check my grades. I had dropped by my old office to check on my friends but I was told they were attending a meeting, so I decided to go home.
Alighting from the Baclaran station of the LRT, I saw a Jollibee store and decided to eat. I had another 1 1/2-hour ride before I would reach home and I was feeling hungry. I went into the store, gave my order and sat at the nearest table available and stretched my legs. I had been on the road for almost two hours going from Alabang to La Salle, and after half an hour, I caught the train on my way back home. I was pooped, and the last meal I had was nothing more than a bowl of oatmeal.
When my food came, a small grimy boy about four years of age approached my table, begging for alms. I instinctively shooed him away, and started to eat while he went on to the next table, asking for loose change from the other patrons.
Although I was tired and really hungry, I lost some of my appetite soon after taking a few bites. I began to search for the boy inside the store, hoping he was still around. I saw him being shooed by other people, and I wished he would pass by my table again so I could make it up to him.
When he moved within earshot, I called out to him. I asked him if he had already eaten, which was really a stupid question because he looked like he hadn't had a decent meal for days.
I asked him if he wanted the same stuff as what I was eating. He said he wanted a toy. But the "kiddie meal" only included an educational VCD, which I was sure he wouldn't have any use for. I decided to buy him the "chickenjoy and spaghetti meal" instead. I told him to watch my food while I went back to the counter to order his meal.
When I turned around to ask him what drink he would like, he had this wide smile on his face that seemed to say, "I can't believe I have hit a jackpot with this crazy woman who was willing to buy me some chickenjoy." And the thought made me smile, too.
I went back to my seat and asked him to wait for his food. I asked for his name but he just mumbled something. I was shocked to know that he lived in Apelo, a good 10 minutes by car, and a good half-hour on foot. How on earth did he get here and who was he with? It was raining and the streets were muddy.
He again told me he was wishing for a toy, but I explained there was none at Jollibee. "Sana nag-McDo na lang tayo, may laruan dun," he said, obviously disappointed. "Pasaway ka talaga. Namili ka pa! (You are really naughty and very picky too,)" I chided him gently. But I couldn't really blame him; he was probably as surprised as I was that I had bought him a meal.
He asked for P20, saying his mother had instructed him to buy a kilo of rice if he would have enough money. I was starting to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness. But when I asked him how many siblings he had and he showed me seven fingers, and said they were five in the family. I gave him some coins anyway.
I asked him to read the number written on the plastic marker, and he told me it was 13. When I said it was 2, he snickered. I told him to count the coins in his hand, and he said there were five. But there was more.
I thought how sad it was that this boy could not count and recognize numbers while my 5-year-old niece could already count to 100. I wondered what his future would be, and I thought it was most likely that he would grow up and try to earn a living by thieving and end up in jail. He knew very little more than begging, roaming the streets without slippers, and shouting profanities at his playmates. And his mother had imposed upon him the responsibility of bringing home some rice that he could share with his siblings.
When his food came securely taped, I told him to share it with his mom when he got home. Again, he gave me such a big smile that it showed most of his stained little baby teeth. Then he left, without a word.
I was filled with one of the best feelings I had in a very long time, pleased with what I had done and happier still to see his big, grateful smile. I had lost my appetite completely, but the thought of the long ride home prompted me to finish my meal. As I left the store, I saw him at the foot of the stairs, clutching the plastic bags. When he saw me, he again flashed his big smile and I noticed that spaghetti sauce was all over his face. I waved at him to say goodbye and walked to the jeepney stop. He might not have known how to say thank you, but that smile said everything for me. I was grinning from ear to ear all the way home.
I've been told that Thursday is a lucky day for Pisceans. My horoscope says so, and the day has been holding some little surprises for me for years now. But that particularly Thursday, I had gotten out of bed feeling miserable and convinced that nothing could get me out of that mood. But what do you know? The surprise was of my own doing, and ironically, I ended up surprised, too.
I must admit that I'm a snob. I don't want to have anything to do with strangers, and I hate filthy beggars. I seldom commute and I don't care much for fast food. So who would have thought that I would be doing all those things in one day and come out of it happy lot? The kid had his Chickenjoy dream fulfilled, but that experience could very well be the start of my pursuit for self-realization.
Youngblood : Chickenjoy dream
First posted 03:01am (Mla time) Jan 03, 2006
By Teresa Patricia B. Bernal
Inquirer
Editor's Note: Published on page A11 of the January 3, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
IT WAS already past 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten my lunch yet. I had gone to the gym and proceeded to school to check my grades. I had dropped by my old office to check on my friends but I was told they were attending a meeting, so I decided to go home.
Alighting from the Baclaran station of the LRT, I saw a Jollibee store and decided to eat. I had another 1 1/2-hour ride before I would reach home and I was feeling hungry. I went into the store, gave my order and sat at the nearest table available and stretched my legs. I had been on the road for almost two hours going from Alabang to La Salle, and after half an hour, I caught the train on my way back home. I was pooped, and the last meal I had was nothing more than a bowl of oatmeal.
When my food came, a small grimy boy about four years of age approached my table, begging for alms. I instinctively shooed him away, and started to eat while he went on to the next table, asking for loose change from the other patrons.
Although I was tired and really hungry, I lost some of my appetite soon after taking a few bites. I began to search for the boy inside the store, hoping he was still around. I saw him being shooed by other people, and I wished he would pass by my table again so I could make it up to him.
When he moved within earshot, I called out to him. I asked him if he had already eaten, which was really a stupid question because he looked like he hadn't had a decent meal for days.
I asked him if he wanted the same stuff as what I was eating. He said he wanted a toy. But the "kiddie meal" only included an educational VCD, which I was sure he wouldn't have any use for. I decided to buy him the "chickenjoy and spaghetti meal" instead. I told him to watch my food while I went back to the counter to order his meal.
When I turned around to ask him what drink he would like, he had this wide smile on his face that seemed to say, "I can't believe I have hit a jackpot with this crazy woman who was willing to buy me some chickenjoy." And the thought made me smile, too.
I went back to my seat and asked him to wait for his food. I asked for his name but he just mumbled something. I was shocked to know that he lived in Apelo, a good 10 minutes by car, and a good half-hour on foot. How on earth did he get here and who was he with? It was raining and the streets were muddy.
He again told me he was wishing for a toy, but I explained there was none at Jollibee. "Sana nag-McDo na lang tayo, may laruan dun," he said, obviously disappointed. "Pasaway ka talaga. Namili ka pa! (You are really naughty and very picky too,)" I chided him gently. But I couldn't really blame him; he was probably as surprised as I was that I had bought him a meal.
He asked for P20, saying his mother had instructed him to buy a kilo of rice if he would have enough money. I was starting to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness. But when I asked him how many siblings he had and he showed me seven fingers, and said they were five in the family. I gave him some coins anyway.
I asked him to read the number written on the plastic marker, and he told me it was 13. When I said it was 2, he snickered. I told him to count the coins in his hand, and he said there were five. But there was more.
I thought how sad it was that this boy could not count and recognize numbers while my 5-year-old niece could already count to 100. I wondered what his future would be, and I thought it was most likely that he would grow up and try to earn a living by thieving and end up in jail. He knew very little more than begging, roaming the streets without slippers, and shouting profanities at his playmates. And his mother had imposed upon him the responsibility of bringing home some rice that he could share with his siblings.
When his food came securely taped, I told him to share it with his mom when he got home. Again, he gave me such a big smile that it showed most of his stained little baby teeth. Then he left, without a word.
I was filled with one of the best feelings I had in a very long time, pleased with what I had done and happier still to see his big, grateful smile. I had lost my appetite completely, but the thought of the long ride home prompted me to finish my meal. As I left the store, I saw him at the foot of the stairs, clutching the plastic bags. When he saw me, he again flashed his big smile and I noticed that spaghetti sauce was all over his face. I waved at him to say goodbye and walked to the jeepney stop. He might not have known how to say thank you, but that smile said everything for me. I was grinning from ear to ear all the way home.
I've been told that Thursday is a lucky day for Pisceans. My horoscope says so, and the day has been holding some little surprises for me for years now. But that particularly Thursday, I had gotten out of bed feeling miserable and convinced that nothing could get me out of that mood. But what do you know? The surprise was of my own doing, and ironically, I ended up surprised, too.
I must admit that I'm a snob. I don't want to have anything to do with strangers, and I hate filthy beggars. I seldom commute and I don't care much for fast food. So who would have thought that I would be doing all those things in one day and come out of it happy lot? The kid had his Chickenjoy dream fulfilled, but that experience could very well be the start of my pursuit for self-realization.
Defining moments
Found this on my Sent folder and as much I would want to include some proof I got this from the Inquirer website (specifically on October 24, 2000) I don't have a way to do so. Too bad their archives don't include Youngblood articles as far back as this, and I only have 1 hard copy left. Pardon the idealism because I wrote this right after college graduation. In any case, be amused and may it lead you to reflect :)
Defining moments
My friend and I were in the car, on our way to Glorietta 4 to catch a movie with the rest of the group. She then asked me if some life-defining moment ever occurred. I wasn't sure what she was talking about and I didn't have a quick answer for that. I remember her telling me that one of her life-defining moments was looking at a framed picture by her bedside, a picture of her and her gorgeous boyfriend, her arms around his neck, in a candid pose. Or something like that. I remember laughing, since I could have thought of that too. She then explained that a life-defining moment was something you'd like to happen in the future no matter how far-off or crazy it might be. It was like a goal of some sort, but it's just something conjured up to tickle the imagination. We didn't dwell on that for long, for the conversation reverted to Harry Potter's new adventures and the movie that we were about to watch that afternoon.
I totally forgot about it, until a kabarkada now based in Seattle shared her own life-defining moment through e-groups, after that friend of mine (whom I watched the movie with) shared a brand-new one. They were all seeing themselves as successful IT professionals in power suits rushing from their pad to their office in Manhattan's Upper West Side. They were either carrying Louis Vuitton bags or their slim Compaq notebooks, while talking with a client on their top-of-the-line mobile phones and the most expensive Armani shades protecting their eyes from the glare of the sun.
Another friend saw herself making her way through an airport to catch her direct flight to London and eventually being seated beside a terribly good-looking classmate back in Wharton Business School, their small talk eventually leading to dinner and an invitation to join him on a cruise in the Bahamas. One saw herself managing her own café down Central Park, with regular customers becoming her friends and being asked to dinner by a mysterious gray-eyed guy who's supposed to look like Rob Thomas.
Another friend saw himself in a crisp business suit with all his hi-tech gadgets one could ever imagine, on a date with his stunning model girlfriend. Unfortunately they were mugged in a dark alley and his girlfriend was taken away to be raped by the three goons…and he ended it by saying that he became a priest because of that traumatic experience and his stunning girlfriend entered the nunnery to forget about the whole thing…he was obviously making a mockery of their LDMs (life-defining moments) but we all found it hilarious anyway.
I had a blast reading all of them and I couldn't keep my shoulders from shaking with suppressed laughter, and people from the office think I might be a lunatic or something, laughing by myself. I was really surprised and delighted to discover how creative and witty my friends could be. I could almost see them all grown up in their power suits, leather trench coats and flashy gadgets. It would really be nice if I could see it for real. I realized that most of us, including me, have to have some sort of association with New York or somewhere bigatin. For us it's the ultimate sign of success and one can't help but think if there was really a chance for us out there.
Most of the girls were done sharing, and I felt pressured to think of something as funny as theirs, but original. I couldn't think of anything as I stared at the computer monitor. On the way home, I was still racking my brains for the perfect life-defining moment. I felt all the funny stuff had been used up and I decided to get serious for a change.
And it wasn't easy. I never realized that taking it seriously would entail a great deal of soul-searching on my part. Unconsciously I drifted back to stuff I learned from philosophy to find out what I consider most important to achieve fulfillment in life. Was it working in New York? Having a luxurious lifestyle? Cruising in the Bahamas? Owning a yacht?
Knocking my head as the van went over some humps, my life-defining moment suddenly became clear. I could see myself in a white sundress with a wreath of flowers in my hair and a bouquet in my hands, giddy as a schoolgirl, as I take a slow step toward the priest waiting by the makeshift altar, as my husband of 50 years waits on. In his crisp white shirt, he looked dashing as ever, despite his salt-and-pepper hair (straight out of a romance novel!) He's wearing that same smile that still makes me feel that I'm the most beautiful girl for him despite the wrinkles and the nearsightedness, among other things…the smile that made me fall in love with him long, long ago…
My eldest grandson is our best man, and the first granddaughter, our maid of honor. The rest of the grandchildren comprise the entourage, while our two great-grandkids became the ring bearer and the flower girl. The guys in the family take after their lolo's good looks and sense of humor, and of course, the girls take after their lola's beauty and charming personality! It was an all-expenses-paid trip to the still pristine beaches of Boracay, one of my favorite places in the world, for the whole clan and friends back in college, with their spouses (and nurses probably, considering it will be quite difficult for senior citizens like us to travel).
We renew our vows as the sun slowly dips into the horizon, an equally romantic reenactment of what happened half a century ago, on the same spot. Our daughter dabs her made-up eyes with her handkerchief, and our two sons can't help but be proud that their parents have come this far, and hoping it will be the same with their respective wives.
Of course this is assuming that I get married between 25 and 27 years old and I don't contract any life-threatening disease during my lifetime. I may not have much control on what age I'll get hitched, but I can still do something about being healthy and being strong enough to attend my older grandchildren's college graduation. I know chances are slim that I'll reach that far, considering marriages and families aren't as solid as they ought to be, with premarital sex, adultery and divorce as normal as being stuck in traffic every morning. But then again, I'm an old-fashioned, idealistic hopeless romantic.
I smile contentedly as I finished off the last sentence of my reply to our e-groups. Now that is something worth looking forward to. All of a sudden the dream of having a skyscraper for an office, clicking my boot heels on the pavements of 5th Avenue and collecting frequent flyer miles fade in the background. I realize I don't need slim notebooks, personal digital assistants or fancy cars after all. It's all about having healthy children and grandchildren who grow up to be successful individuals. Being able to rock a great-grandchild to sleep. Savoring quiet dinners and long conversations with old friends. Enjoying the spectacular display of light at sunset and daybreak, the eerie yellow full moon and the shower of stars on a clear night. And of course, spending the rest of your comfortable life (not necessarily luxurious) with someone who always makes you feel loved. What good would all the money and fame bring you if you can't enjoy the simpler, but more valuable things in life? One may not feel successful without a high-paying job or a CEO position, but after all is said and done, it all boils down to all the things that money can't buy.
So, what is your life-defining moment? :)
Defining moments
My friend and I were in the car, on our way to Glorietta 4 to catch a movie with the rest of the group. She then asked me if some life-defining moment ever occurred. I wasn't sure what she was talking about and I didn't have a quick answer for that. I remember her telling me that one of her life-defining moments was looking at a framed picture by her bedside, a picture of her and her gorgeous boyfriend, her arms around his neck, in a candid pose. Or something like that. I remember laughing, since I could have thought of that too. She then explained that a life-defining moment was something you'd like to happen in the future no matter how far-off or crazy it might be. It was like a goal of some sort, but it's just something conjured up to tickle the imagination. We didn't dwell on that for long, for the conversation reverted to Harry Potter's new adventures and the movie that we were about to watch that afternoon.
I totally forgot about it, until a kabarkada now based in Seattle shared her own life-defining moment through e-groups, after that friend of mine (whom I watched the movie with) shared a brand-new one. They were all seeing themselves as successful IT professionals in power suits rushing from their pad to their office in Manhattan's Upper West Side. They were either carrying Louis Vuitton bags or their slim Compaq notebooks, while talking with a client on their top-of-the-line mobile phones and the most expensive Armani shades protecting their eyes from the glare of the sun.
Another friend saw herself making her way through an airport to catch her direct flight to London and eventually being seated beside a terribly good-looking classmate back in Wharton Business School, their small talk eventually leading to dinner and an invitation to join him on a cruise in the Bahamas. One saw herself managing her own café down Central Park, with regular customers becoming her friends and being asked to dinner by a mysterious gray-eyed guy who's supposed to look like Rob Thomas.
Another friend saw himself in a crisp business suit with all his hi-tech gadgets one could ever imagine, on a date with his stunning model girlfriend. Unfortunately they were mugged in a dark alley and his girlfriend was taken away to be raped by the three goons…and he ended it by saying that he became a priest because of that traumatic experience and his stunning girlfriend entered the nunnery to forget about the whole thing…he was obviously making a mockery of their LDMs (life-defining moments) but we all found it hilarious anyway.
I had a blast reading all of them and I couldn't keep my shoulders from shaking with suppressed laughter, and people from the office think I might be a lunatic or something, laughing by myself. I was really surprised and delighted to discover how creative and witty my friends could be. I could almost see them all grown up in their power suits, leather trench coats and flashy gadgets. It would really be nice if I could see it for real. I realized that most of us, including me, have to have some sort of association with New York or somewhere bigatin. For us it's the ultimate sign of success and one can't help but think if there was really a chance for us out there.
Most of the girls were done sharing, and I felt pressured to think of something as funny as theirs, but original. I couldn't think of anything as I stared at the computer monitor. On the way home, I was still racking my brains for the perfect life-defining moment. I felt all the funny stuff had been used up and I decided to get serious for a change.
And it wasn't easy. I never realized that taking it seriously would entail a great deal of soul-searching on my part. Unconsciously I drifted back to stuff I learned from philosophy to find out what I consider most important to achieve fulfillment in life. Was it working in New York? Having a luxurious lifestyle? Cruising in the Bahamas? Owning a yacht?
Knocking my head as the van went over some humps, my life-defining moment suddenly became clear. I could see myself in a white sundress with a wreath of flowers in my hair and a bouquet in my hands, giddy as a schoolgirl, as I take a slow step toward the priest waiting by the makeshift altar, as my husband of 50 years waits on. In his crisp white shirt, he looked dashing as ever, despite his salt-and-pepper hair (straight out of a romance novel!) He's wearing that same smile that still makes me feel that I'm the most beautiful girl for him despite the wrinkles and the nearsightedness, among other things…the smile that made me fall in love with him long, long ago…
My eldest grandson is our best man, and the first granddaughter, our maid of honor. The rest of the grandchildren comprise the entourage, while our two great-grandkids became the ring bearer and the flower girl. The guys in the family take after their lolo's good looks and sense of humor, and of course, the girls take after their lola's beauty and charming personality! It was an all-expenses-paid trip to the still pristine beaches of Boracay, one of my favorite places in the world, for the whole clan and friends back in college, with their spouses (and nurses probably, considering it will be quite difficult for senior citizens like us to travel).
We renew our vows as the sun slowly dips into the horizon, an equally romantic reenactment of what happened half a century ago, on the same spot. Our daughter dabs her made-up eyes with her handkerchief, and our two sons can't help but be proud that their parents have come this far, and hoping it will be the same with their respective wives.
Of course this is assuming that I get married between 25 and 27 years old and I don't contract any life-threatening disease during my lifetime. I may not have much control on what age I'll get hitched, but I can still do something about being healthy and being strong enough to attend my older grandchildren's college graduation. I know chances are slim that I'll reach that far, considering marriages and families aren't as solid as they ought to be, with premarital sex, adultery and divorce as normal as being stuck in traffic every morning. But then again, I'm an old-fashioned, idealistic hopeless romantic.
I smile contentedly as I finished off the last sentence of my reply to our e-groups. Now that is something worth looking forward to. All of a sudden the dream of having a skyscraper for an office, clicking my boot heels on the pavements of 5th Avenue and collecting frequent flyer miles fade in the background. I realize I don't need slim notebooks, personal digital assistants or fancy cars after all. It's all about having healthy children and grandchildren who grow up to be successful individuals. Being able to rock a great-grandchild to sleep. Savoring quiet dinners and long conversations with old friends. Enjoying the spectacular display of light at sunset and daybreak, the eerie yellow full moon and the shower of stars on a clear night. And of course, spending the rest of your comfortable life (not necessarily luxurious) with someone who always makes you feel loved. What good would all the money and fame bring you if you can't enjoy the simpler, but more valuable things in life? One may not feel successful without a high-paying job or a CEO position, but after all is said and done, it all boils down to all the things that money can't buy.
So, what is your life-defining moment? :)
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Half-empty or half-full?
If I want to feel really sorry for myself, I'll just have to recite this mantra over and over: "I'm almost bankrupt. My career is going nowhere. At 28, I have nothing to my name and I have no one with me."
But I choose not to. Because being miserable doesn't go well with the humid and unpredictable weather. The more I dwell on the not-so-good things in my life, I attract more of it. It will bog me down and will find myself in much deeper shit that I had thought. It will cause more unwanted wrinkles and blemishes than I can manage. The good stuff might no longer come my way. Who would want that?
I find that it makes me feel energized to start a brand new week if I zone in on recent positive events and looking forward to more good things slated to happen.
1. People trust me with their secrets. For some reason, some of my friends (even those I'm not really close to) willingly spill out their secrets without me having to wring it from them. They seek out my girly advice (read: more guys than girls go to me for consultation, maybe I should start charging hahaha) as if I'm the expert on these things. I do appreciate that they find me trustworthy for it gives me a sense of purpose and responsibility. Like what I always say: "It stops with me." And so far I haven't disappointed them. In the process, I get to learn more about them and the workings of the testosterone-activated mind. Thanks for the laughs and I hope I make sense :)
2. Somebody's taking time out to be with me and do things for me. This is not a common occurence so it's really overwhelming. It's still too early to tell, but I'm vehemently being rational about things. It's good that we're friends and even if I don't look it, everything done for me is very much appreciated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
3. I have a week to do nothing. Therefore, I have no excuse to start thinking about and working again on my future. Time to dust off my thesis materials and get used to reading boring journals and research once more. Someone I know wrote on his blog that he's writing a children's book. Maybe I should start working on that dream too.
4. I may be almost bankrupt, but I already settled all my bills. There's nothing more liberating than paying off your debts. My bank account may have reached utmost critical level but I'll get my salary in a few days so it's all good. It's really a miracle I can still pay off my insurance premium being just a minimum wage earner. Thank God for my very generous dad who pays my credit card bill.
Life is really what you make it. So, is yours something to smile about?
But I choose not to. Because being miserable doesn't go well with the humid and unpredictable weather. The more I dwell on the not-so-good things in my life, I attract more of it. It will bog me down and will find myself in much deeper shit that I had thought. It will cause more unwanted wrinkles and blemishes than I can manage. The good stuff might no longer come my way. Who would want that?
I find that it makes me feel energized to start a brand new week if I zone in on recent positive events and looking forward to more good things slated to happen.
1. People trust me with their secrets. For some reason, some of my friends (even those I'm not really close to) willingly spill out their secrets without me having to wring it from them. They seek out my girly advice (read: more guys than girls go to me for consultation, maybe I should start charging hahaha) as if I'm the expert on these things. I do appreciate that they find me trustworthy for it gives me a sense of purpose and responsibility. Like what I always say: "It stops with me." And so far I haven't disappointed them. In the process, I get to learn more about them and the workings of the testosterone-activated mind. Thanks for the laughs and I hope I make sense :)
2. Somebody's taking time out to be with me and do things for me. This is not a common occurence so it's really overwhelming. It's still too early to tell, but I'm vehemently being rational about things. It's good that we're friends and even if I don't look it, everything done for me is very much appreciated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
3. I have a week to do nothing. Therefore, I have no excuse to start thinking about and working again on my future. Time to dust off my thesis materials and get used to reading boring journals and research once more. Someone I know wrote on his blog that he's writing a children's book. Maybe I should start working on that dream too.
4. I may be almost bankrupt, but I already settled all my bills. There's nothing more liberating than paying off your debts. My bank account may have reached utmost critical level but I'll get my salary in a few days so it's all good. It's really a miracle I can still pay off my insurance premium being just a minimum wage earner. Thank God for my very generous dad who pays my credit card bill.
Life is really what you make it. So, is yours something to smile about?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
20 things you want to say
Looks like it's going to take me the whole night to finish this (and another few hours wasted haha)
The rules are simple: List 20 things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are...
1. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to find myself, and the concern you've always shown me. I will never forget that you said I'll get to live the happiest life among us three. Sana ilibre mo rin ako ng Wagyu hahaha.
2. From the moment I met you, I knew I want to be just like you. Hopefully not the old maid part hahaha.
3. A friend told me that I should set my standards according to you because you are one to be idolized. Too bad you're off the market already. Lucky girlfriend!
4. It saddens me that you can't be as honest with me as I am with you.
5. Pwede ba, tantanan mo na ko! Don't you get it? I DON'T LIKE YOU!!! Sige magsayang ka pa ng piso mo!
6. Is it you? Is it you? Are you the one I've been waiting for? Could you be the one for me? Could you be the one I need?
7. Here you go again with your yabang kwentos, which I should have gotten used to already. And I will have to put up with you again. Sigh!
8. I will never forget the time I saw you come in with hair like a chessboard (with blonde square-like streaks). Kala mo napakagwapo mo?! JOLOGS!
9. I'm really sorry I acted very immaturely then. I could only imagine how confused and angry you felt. Glad you're happy with someone now.
10. I never told you back then that your dad reminded me so much of Stitch (as in Lilo and Stitch) but I've always admired him for his great accomplishments.
11. Bakit ang sungit mo? May ginawa ba ko sa yo? Kala ko pa naman mabait ka, sabi nila kasi eh.
12. My friend saw you in Starbucks in a very ugly orange tunic. I saw you lining up at the ticket booth of Festival Cinemas. You invited me to your party a few months ago. Do you remember that you held my hand during your party last year? What was that all about?
13. I would've considered you if only nagseryoso ka lang. Ang gulo gulo mo eh, sino magtatyaga sa yo? Although I have to say galante ka talaga :D
14. Even if it was short-lived, it was pretty daring and exciting. You taught me one thing - that I'm not that kind of girl after all.
15. I'm always at home in your home. If I could choose parents other than my own, I'd choose yours. You are so lucky to have them.
16. So have you gotten married already? I'm still wondering what made you decide I'm a lost cause. But it's all good.
17. No matter what they say, I still think you make good decisions for everyone. Will forever be grateful that you gave me a chance even if I was clueless then. I just don't like that you always have an irritating scowl on your face.
18. I had a crush on your brother.
19. I thought you were cute and interesting, but I don't think we have a lot in common. It's not really much of a loss that I no longer see you around.
20. I used to stalk you on Friendster with the very little information I had on hand. How come you don't go to the gym anymore?
The rules are simple: List 20 things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are...
1. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to find myself, and the concern you've always shown me. I will never forget that you said I'll get to live the happiest life among us three. Sana ilibre mo rin ako ng Wagyu hahaha.
2. From the moment I met you, I knew I want to be just like you. Hopefully not the old maid part hahaha.
3. A friend told me that I should set my standards according to you because you are one to be idolized. Too bad you're off the market already. Lucky girlfriend!
4. It saddens me that you can't be as honest with me as I am with you.
5. Pwede ba, tantanan mo na ko! Don't you get it? I DON'T LIKE YOU!!! Sige magsayang ka pa ng piso mo!
6. Is it you? Is it you? Are you the one I've been waiting for? Could you be the one for me? Could you be the one I need?
7. Here you go again with your yabang kwentos, which I should have gotten used to already. And I will have to put up with you again. Sigh!
8. I will never forget the time I saw you come in with hair like a chessboard (with blonde square-like streaks). Kala mo napakagwapo mo?! JOLOGS!
9. I'm really sorry I acted very immaturely then. I could only imagine how confused and angry you felt. Glad you're happy with someone now.
10. I never told you back then that your dad reminded me so much of Stitch (as in Lilo and Stitch) but I've always admired him for his great accomplishments.
11. Bakit ang sungit mo? May ginawa ba ko sa yo? Kala ko pa naman mabait ka, sabi nila kasi eh.
12. My friend saw you in Starbucks in a very ugly orange tunic. I saw you lining up at the ticket booth of Festival Cinemas. You invited me to your party a few months ago. Do you remember that you held my hand during your party last year? What was that all about?
13. I would've considered you if only nagseryoso ka lang. Ang gulo gulo mo eh, sino magtatyaga sa yo? Although I have to say galante ka talaga :D
14. Even if it was short-lived, it was pretty daring and exciting. You taught me one thing - that I'm not that kind of girl after all.
15. I'm always at home in your home. If I could choose parents other than my own, I'd choose yours. You are so lucky to have them.
16. So have you gotten married already? I'm still wondering what made you decide I'm a lost cause. But it's all good.
17. No matter what they say, I still think you make good decisions for everyone. Will forever be grateful that you gave me a chance even if I was clueless then. I just don't like that you always have an irritating scowl on your face.
18. I had a crush on your brother.
19. I thought you were cute and interesting, but I don't think we have a lot in common. It's not really much of a loss that I no longer see you around.
20. I used to stalk you on Friendster with the very little information I had on hand. How come you don't go to the gym anymore?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Backing me up
Had a very enlightening heart-to-heart talk with my mom last Sunday, and I'm really glad we had that conversation because it cleared certain things between us. She admitted that her Wednesday novenas are always for me and the one that's meant for me, that I be blessed with wisdom to say and do the right things. (Whoa. O di ba. She thinks my lovelife, or lack thereof, needs the intercession of our Mother of Perpetual Help hahaha!) I barely tell her anything about the state of my lovelife but I'm sure she knows exactly the state of my emotions at any given time (considering my eyes tell it all). It was really nice to be honest with her this time, and it was pretty much obvious that she appreciated it. Sniff. Now I know I'll always be alright because I've got my mom to back me up! :)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Newsworthy
My mom is annoyed that I know nothing about what's happening around. She says I'm too engrossed in blogging and chatting to bother reading the news. When I finally do get interested in current events, I see this on the Saturday morning paper: Bloodbath in bank: 9 shot in the head. Okaaay. That is soooo grabbing my attention and makes me hunger for more.
One should not be blamed for cancelling newspaper subscriptions. There is so much drama in one's life that one should not hunger for other people's dramas. And besides, how on earth can you face the day with a smile when you're greeted with tragedy? If it's not about heinous crimes, it's about what Kris thinks about something or the "explosive truth" the recently evicted PBB housemate is about to drop. YOU CALL THAT NEWS?! Yawn.
The news I'm most certainly looking forward to is David Cook being hailed as the new American Idol.
One should not be blamed for cancelling newspaper subscriptions. There is so much drama in one's life that one should not hunger for other people's dramas. And besides, how on earth can you face the day with a smile when you're greeted with tragedy? If it's not about heinous crimes, it's about what Kris thinks about something or the "explosive truth" the recently evicted PBB housemate is about to drop. YOU CALL THAT NEWS?! Yawn.
The news I'm most certainly looking forward to is David Cook being hailed as the new American Idol.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten
Robert Fulghum says, "Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school." Upholding the credibility of all preschool teachers like me is far from being the main point of this blog entry.
Since summer class starts at 9am, I find myself still sipping coffee at 7am while my niece watches the morning cartoons. I spread cream cheese on my bread to the beat of the theme from Thomas and Friends "They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight..." Today's episode featured Spencer, a bullet train regularly used by the Duke and Duchess, who always boasts how fast, strong and shiny he is compared to the other tank engines. Thomas wanted so much to be like him. He wanted to see how fast he can be, but Emily warned him he's not built to be as fast as a bullet train. He wanted to see how strong he was, but he can barely bring loads of heavy stones up the mountain. He had himself polished very well, but ended up getting really dusty from his tasks. At the end of the day, he found himself to be side by side with Spencer, who was still getting warmed up (he had a diesel engine). The Duke suddenly arrived, hurrying because he had a plane to catch. Since Spencer wasn't ready, he chose Thomas to bring him back to the mainland (these engines lived on an island whose name I forgot). So the Duke's crest was placed on Thomas' and he proudly huffed and puffed all the way to the airport and the Duke arrived on time. Thomas was highly commended for a job well done.
Moral of the story: It doesn't matter how fast or how strong or how shiny you are, what matters is how reliable you can be.
We are living in a cynical, cynical world (quoting Jerry Maguire on this). No matter how hard we fight it, our thoughts and actions reflect the filth of the system that we are living in, and we oftentimes fail to uphold the values we think we are strongly attached to. If you feel you're being sucked into a blackhole, try tuning in to children's shows (or get yourself surrounded by children). You'll find that the more important truths are the simplest. And you don't need a master's degree to understand it.
Since summer class starts at 9am, I find myself still sipping coffee at 7am while my niece watches the morning cartoons. I spread cream cheese on my bread to the beat of the theme from Thomas and Friends "They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight..." Today's episode featured Spencer, a bullet train regularly used by the Duke and Duchess, who always boasts how fast, strong and shiny he is compared to the other tank engines. Thomas wanted so much to be like him. He wanted to see how fast he can be, but Emily warned him he's not built to be as fast as a bullet train. He wanted to see how strong he was, but he can barely bring loads of heavy stones up the mountain. He had himself polished very well, but ended up getting really dusty from his tasks. At the end of the day, he found himself to be side by side with Spencer, who was still getting warmed up (he had a diesel engine). The Duke suddenly arrived, hurrying because he had a plane to catch. Since Spencer wasn't ready, he chose Thomas to bring him back to the mainland (these engines lived on an island whose name I forgot). So the Duke's crest was placed on Thomas' and he proudly huffed and puffed all the way to the airport and the Duke arrived on time. Thomas was highly commended for a job well done.
Moral of the story: It doesn't matter how fast or how strong or how shiny you are, what matters is how reliable you can be.
We are living in a cynical, cynical world (quoting Jerry Maguire on this). No matter how hard we fight it, our thoughts and actions reflect the filth of the system that we are living in, and we oftentimes fail to uphold the values we think we are strongly attached to. If you feel you're being sucked into a blackhole, try tuning in to children's shows (or get yourself surrounded by children). You'll find that the more important truths are the simplest. And you don't need a master's degree to understand it.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The art of nonchalance
Aaah. One of my favorite words of all time, perhaps one skill that I've mastered all these years. Mariah Carey even used it in Breakdown - "Well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it and I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you..."
It goes by different meanings - indifference, detachment, disinterest, lack of concern. I find that it makes life a lot less complicated. Emotions are concealed, everything is dealt with objectively, and there's no room left for questions. You get on with your life, and other people get on with theirs too. Issue resolved and another day has gone.
I refuse to be branded as the jealous or the matampuhin type, for I always thought myself to be very rational (and oftentimes mature) but everytime I'm subjected to a particular situation that tests me, I find that I'm just kidding myself. It takes a lot to accept that I'm very sensitive and I have high expectations of people that I hold dear. If you say one thing, you have to mean it. If you say you're going to do this, I expect you to do it.
Of course I don't always get my way, but being the non-confrontational type, I'd rather say "it's ok", "no sweat" or "forget about it". Petty things I tend to forget, despite the inconveniences that resulted from someone's omission (or commission). Bigger things tend to bring more disappointments and/or pain, obviously, but to avoid more questions that would further open me up raw, I'll respond in a more socially acceptable manner and cross my fingers that nobody makes a big deal out of it. Practice makes perfect, and so far I could say I got it right down pat. I feel it just saves everyone's time when I withhold the drama queen in me, so we can move on to more important matters. Close friends who knew me better would applaud at this cool and mature approach (but would grill me about the actual state of my emotions later on).
Yeah, it surely makes me look like an angel, but the downside of it is that issues are never really addressed in the manner that they should. It's bound to pile up until it's too late to patch things up. Maybe that's why I tend to be a lot more patient than other people are, otherwise I would have gone berserk and wouldn't be writing about it.
It goes by different meanings - indifference, detachment, disinterest, lack of concern. I find that it makes life a lot less complicated. Emotions are concealed, everything is dealt with objectively, and there's no room left for questions. You get on with your life, and other people get on with theirs too. Issue resolved and another day has gone.
I refuse to be branded as the jealous or the matampuhin type, for I always thought myself to be very rational (and oftentimes mature) but everytime I'm subjected to a particular situation that tests me, I find that I'm just kidding myself. It takes a lot to accept that I'm very sensitive and I have high expectations of people that I hold dear. If you say one thing, you have to mean it. If you say you're going to do this, I expect you to do it.
Of course I don't always get my way, but being the non-confrontational type, I'd rather say "it's ok", "no sweat" or "forget about it". Petty things I tend to forget, despite the inconveniences that resulted from someone's omission (or commission). Bigger things tend to bring more disappointments and/or pain, obviously, but to avoid more questions that would further open me up raw, I'll respond in a more socially acceptable manner and cross my fingers that nobody makes a big deal out of it. Practice makes perfect, and so far I could say I got it right down pat. I feel it just saves everyone's time when I withhold the drama queen in me, so we can move on to more important matters. Close friends who knew me better would applaud at this cool and mature approach (but would grill me about the actual state of my emotions later on).
Yeah, it surely makes me look like an angel, but the downside of it is that issues are never really addressed in the manner that they should. It's bound to pile up until it's too late to patch things up. Maybe that's why I tend to be a lot more patient than other people are, otherwise I would have gone berserk and wouldn't be writing about it.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Counting my lucky stars
Blame PLDT for the crappy connection which hinders me from blogging to my heart's content. But this post will not be about complaints, for I'm feeling lucky (woohoo!) and there's so much to be thankful about.
1. Already earned $24 at my first attempt of paid blogging! My mom said I should try withdrawing it to see if it's real hahaha so I have yet to check my EON account balance soon. I have yet to find more opps pretty soon. Target: $1000 hahaha!
2. I have a new toy!!! Anything daw to help me finish my thesis, so they got me a Compaq Presario a few hours ago :D I can't wait to tinker with it!!! Low EQ! Low EQ! Hahaha!
3. Feeling quite confident with my entry for Havaianas' Flippin' for the Beach. Hoping at least I get an exclusive pair of Havaianas. Prize is a 3d/2n stay for 2 at the beach destination I wrote about and other freebies. Who wants to join me at Carbin Reef (refer to my Bacolod photo album)? :)
4. My bro was generous enough to treat us to Haagen Dazs for dessert tonight. We had the pretty flower blossom ensemble which perfectly capped off the Mother's Day weekend. We'll be gorging on food again tomorrow since it's Mom and Dad's 29th wedding anniversary (ok ok another entry in the works).
5. I feel a family trip brewing :) Even if mom said that it's either the laptop or the trip, I'm quite confident we'll still push through at the end of May.
6. Very very good friends who continue to listen to my rants. Shep Sons, everything you say has a profound effect on me. I'm really touched to know you always look out for me! God bless you always!
7. New crushes :) Aweng would rather say men she's curious about. Well in my case, they're still boys (or rather, babies hahaha). One I could stare at the whole day (sigh!), and the other, well, his intellect and charm have sealed the deal (sssshhhh!). Too bad nothing's going to come out of it. Owel. But they make me smile everytime I see them so it's all good :)
1. Already earned $24 at my first attempt of paid blogging! My mom said I should try withdrawing it to see if it's real hahaha so I have yet to check my EON account balance soon. I have yet to find more opps pretty soon. Target: $1000 hahaha!
2. I have a new toy!!! Anything daw to help me finish my thesis, so they got me a Compaq Presario a few hours ago :D I can't wait to tinker with it!!! Low EQ! Low EQ! Hahaha!
3. Feeling quite confident with my entry for Havaianas' Flippin' for the Beach. Hoping at least I get an exclusive pair of Havaianas. Prize is a 3d/2n stay for 2 at the beach destination I wrote about and other freebies. Who wants to join me at Carbin Reef (refer to my Bacolod photo album)? :)
4. My bro was generous enough to treat us to Haagen Dazs for dessert tonight. We had the pretty flower blossom ensemble which perfectly capped off the Mother's Day weekend. We'll be gorging on food again tomorrow since it's Mom and Dad's 29th wedding anniversary (ok ok another entry in the works).
5. I feel a family trip brewing :) Even if mom said that it's either the laptop or the trip, I'm quite confident we'll still push through at the end of May.
6. Very very good friends who continue to listen to my rants. Shep Sons, everything you say has a profound effect on me. I'm really touched to know you always look out for me! God bless you always!
7. New crushes :) Aweng would rather say men she's curious about. Well in my case, they're still boys (or rather, babies hahaha). One I could stare at the whole day (sigh!), and the other, well, his intellect and charm have sealed the deal (sssshhhh!). Too bad nothing's going to come out of it. Owel. But they make me smile everytime I see them so it's all good :)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Opening a can of worms
That's what a good friend of mine said as I got a little bit too honest with her about something. Let's just say I have to vigilantly withhold my honesty for the time being (or until me and/or somebody else gets tired of the whole thing) because it's gonna get a whole lot complicated for me (and that somebody) in the future. I don't even know how I feel about things nowadays. I've been told that I need an extra dose of prayers to get through this but I dunno what to pray for, really. That things get better? That things get ugly so it becomes easier? That another somebody figures in the whole picture? Rats. Whichever way it goes, someone is bound to get hurt. Maybe me, or somebody #1, somebody #2, #3, #4.....
My Friendster shoutout screams "Typically, it shouldn't be complicated nor confusing. If it is, then it's not what I'm looking for." Do things get complicated by the day, or I make things complicated? Is time on my side? Is God on my side? Do thoughts really become things? Am I making you guys dizzy with the anonymity? Live with it! I refuse to expound!
Darn. I need a vacation.
My Friendster shoutout screams "Typically, it shouldn't be complicated nor confusing. If it is, then it's not what I'm looking for." Do things get complicated by the day, or I make things complicated? Is time on my side? Is God on my side? Do thoughts really become things? Am I making you guys dizzy with the anonymity? Live with it! I refuse to expound!
Darn. I need a vacation.
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