Wisdom and not an easy way out

First of all, thanks to everyone who wished me well and prayed for me for yesterday's defense! I prayed the rosary twice and I offered a mystery (twice) for all of you. You've also been taken care of :)

I look back at the moment when I was praying yesterday, and I realized that I was steering God into doing something for my convenience. I basically prayed that I come out of it with just some minor revisions to work on so I can start right away and end within my self-imposed time frame. Along with it I prayed for organized thoughts, the right words to use, for anxiety to go away, for my panel to be blessed with clear minds and kind words to constructively comment on my study. And guess what, they were all granted except for my first petition.

I was told my study was too complicated and they recommended a similar topic to work on. That means I need to research more, submit it as soon as I can and re-defend my proposal when I'm ready. It also means I have to pay something like 13k again to have my proposal approved. I have to get some local research from UP and Ateneo pa. All for the month of September. Sigh. I wasn't really depressed, but just thinking about it tires me out :( And it's never easy for someone like me to admit I failed, somewhat. On the world wide web for that matter!!! But then again, you might also get something from it :)

Never thought it could be this difficult. Definitely not a walk in the park. And to think I wanted to get another master's degree when I get to the States! Eh loka-loka pala ko eh! Hehehe! But He absolutely knows what He's doing. It was wrong for me to dictate what I want because He's not a genie who just grants wishes. Well, He does grant petitions, but only if it's according to His will. It may have been His will that I go through this not to finish my degree earlier, but to teach me things that I will remember for the rest of my life.

I learned that my parents aren't as judgmental as I once thought they were, and that they were still very supportive of me (and money will never be an issue).
I learned there are people outside my family who will go to great lengths to let me know and feel their support and love for me (thanks so much!).
I learned that only prayers can appease my anxiety (try it, seriously).
I learned that I can never carry any other person's cross but my own (it's a perfect fit).
I learned that I don't necessarily get what I want, but I get what I need.

I learned that the things we value the most are never obtained with a snap of a finger (otherwise, it loses its value, right?).
I am convinced that God will take care of me if I let Him steer my life instead.
And you know what, it's actually not so bad... they recommended a topic that's a lot more doable for me. Maybe what I really needed was some great clarification of things that I should do so I can do it well. It's going to take a great deal of patience for me, but then again, when has life been easy? This time I wasn't given an easy way out, but everything that will get me through this.