The art of nonchalance

Aaah. One of my favorite words of all time, perhaps one skill that I've mastered all these years. Mariah Carey even used it in Breakdown - "Well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it and I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you..."

It goes by different meanings - indifference, detachment, disinterest, lack of concern. I find that it makes life a lot less complicated. Emotions are concealed, everything is dealt with objectively, and there's no room left for questions. You get on with your life, and other people get on with theirs too. Issue resolved and another day has gone.

I refuse to be branded as the jealous or the matampuhin type, for I always thought myself to be very rational (and oftentimes mature) but everytime I'm subjected to a particular situation that tests me, I find that I'm just kidding myself. It takes a lot to accept that I'm very sensitive and I have high expectations of people that I hold dear. If you say one thing, you have to mean it. If you say you're going to do this, I expect you to do it.

Of course I don't always get my way, but being the non-confrontational type, I'd rather say "it's ok", "no sweat" or "forget about it". Petty things I tend to forget, despite the inconveniences that resulted from someone's omission (or commission). Bigger things tend to bring more disappointments and/or pain, obviously, but to avoid more questions that would further open me up raw, I'll respond in a more socially acceptable manner and cross my fingers that nobody makes a big deal out of it. Practice makes perfect, and so far I could say I got it right down pat. I feel it just saves everyone's time when I withhold the drama queen in me, so we can move on to more important matters. Close friends who knew me better would applaud at this cool and mature approach (but would grill me about the actual state of my emotions later on).

Yeah, it surely makes me look like an angel, but the downside of it is that issues are never really addressed in the manner that they should. It's bound to pile up until it's too late to patch things up. Maybe that's why I tend to be a lot more patient than other people are, otherwise I would have gone berserk and wouldn't be writing about it.