It's 4:17am and yes, I'm in bed. Stinging pain woke me up at 3:30 - I dunno where it's coming from anymore - and I cried because I'm scared. Scared that tomorrow or the next next day or the day after next will be more painful, scared of the possibility of worse complications that might prolong my recovery, and scared that I might not wake up when I sleep. I know it's the paranoia talking, but I can't help it! I think I have a blog post somewhere about death being a fact of life and welcoming death with open arms. Now that I have a medical condition, I realize that death will have to wait. Because I'm young whichever way you see it, and there's still a lot that I want to happen. I want to get married and have kids, I want to work abroad, I want to see my grandkids, I want to travel to Europe, I want to learn how to drive, I want to learn how to cook, I want to make more money, I want to learn more, I want to help people, I want to spend more time with my parents, I want, I want, I want....
Ouch. I'm in pain again. If there's any consolation, I learned something new that I can share with other people. Makes me wish I was a doctor always showing off the things I know haha! Maybe it's not too late to be one? Yawn. Let me sleep on it first.
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