Finding motivation

We're still in the middle of July and I'm starting to have a harder time waking up in the morning. I think I somehow got used to having no school for 4 days with just one day in between. There was also this resectioning in school that made it all the more difficult to contain the students, and I guess that's what pissing me off. On top of that, I was given a new one-on-one task three times a week DURING MY LUNCHBREAK. Not to mention that on July 31 and August 7, both Saturdays, that we'll be required to report for work for make-up classes and a general faculty meeting at 5pm. I won't be surprised if there are more.

I evaluate myself after every class. More often than not, I always say to myself, "I could have done better". Be it in terms of disciplining or discussing the lesson. I try to do better in the next class but I really get irked with all the noise and the commotion, especially today when most of them brought some living creatures to the classroom. Imagine, this girl emptied a jar, leaving her poor fish flailing for dear life. Or the canister with the snail that gets passed on to every corner of the room, more children standing up than sitting down, and no calm strategy could make them focus their attention back to the front. I really feel for the quiet students who try so hard to settle in their seats and focus, but the noise from the other children ARE JUST SO ANNOYING AND OVERWHELMING. I could have turned on a chainsaw and they wouldn't have noticed.

It's ironic that I even wrote about changing one's perspective in my previous post. How do you do that with everything else going against you? I felt a little better finishing off the last of the chocolate cake from the ref, but later on I'll be working on my lesson plans and I'll feel stressed out all over again. I guess I'll just pray hard enough tonight.

On getting hitched

I'm getting married sometime June 2011.

We wanted a weekend nearest to our 3rd anniversary, which is June 18. Should I consider it as a spur-of-the-moment thing? Hmmm. Maybe not. Although I'm getting stressed as if it is.

I knew we didn't have that kind of money for the usual grand wedding, but I guess it couldn't be helped to make it similar to the past weddings I've attended. That was why I cried while I was talking on the phone with him. It was indeed painful to think that it looks like I'm being short-changed with everything, but then again, we need to ask for more financial support when we finally take the first steps to migration to New Zealand. I need to make sure that we'll have the money to leave and fend for ourselves when we get there.

Now I'm trying to adapt to this realization. The number one goal is of course to be able to find a job and migrate. Of course that entails with a lot of preparations and spending, such as the IELTS exam, for one. This wedding will just be a stepping stone to the realization to that goal, as our parents pushes us to do "what is right" as if we'll never get to heaven if we don't. Well, that's another story. I of course want to have a nice wedding where all my friends are there, but he promises me there will be a second time around. And I resolve to work on that, too.

I learned that it all depends on the mind and your perspective. It will not help if I keep thinking I'm unlucky or getting the short end of the deal here, because I'm not. I have a wonderful fiance who loves me very much but he cannot afford to spend for a wedding now. It was pretty annoying talking to him this afternoon but I get it now. Now I don't feel so bad. I know I could work around with our small budget by stretching our imagination and creativity for the next few months.

"Mean Girls" at 4

Yay! No class and I get to watch Harry Potter today! :)

I find it sad that I already have to deal with bitchiness among 4-year old girls. I mean, what have their parents been doing all this time?! If this is how they act toward their peers at this age, how much more evil could they manifest when they're teenagers?!

There are two girls in my class who always play together, as they were classmates since last year. Princess A is curly-haired, dark-skinned, chubby, with big eyes and a know-it-all. She insists on getting her turn all the time, she makes "irap" when she gets bumped, stepped on, etc. and makes sumbong to her teachers all the time. She used to be a crybaby last year, insisting that her parents watch her by the door as she plays, probably making sure that she's got her back covered and she can do anything she wants.

Princess B is a pretty ballerina with a good heart, always helping her classmates to open their food, getting their nametags, etc. She's very gentle, soft-spoken and smart too. (I guess you now know whose side I am on.) She adores Princess A so much that she's like a sick puppy following her around. Princess A (or Evil Stepsister) gets too annoyed that she ignores her completely (thereby making her cry and tell her teachers, "She's not talking to me!") OR she orders Princess B around and tells her to do things for her!

One time in the playground, we overheard Princess B said, "I'm going to be the princess!" and Evil Stepsister retorted, "It's not your decision!" which made Princess B shut up. And there was another time when I was playing a game to test how fast they can answer correctly. Napikon ata with me because she can't get it right. And when she did get it right once, she stuck out her tongue and exclaimed, "You're a loser! You're a loser!" WHAT A BITCH! Hindi na nga maganda, pangit pa ugali!

Anyway, I think Princess B is starting to learn that if her old friends don't treat her right, she's always welcome to make new ones. Now she's befriending the other girls in class and I secretly hope that Evil Stepsister will eventually feel left out! Haha.

HELL in the mornings

For the second time this week, I was 45 minutes late for work. It took me more than an hour and a half to travel from Sucat to Alabang last Monday and this morning. It's so unfair to be leaving at the earliest possible time and getting stuck at a standstill and missing a third of my class time. For someone who's almost always the first one to arrive, it's very frustrating. This morning was the worst, because I had no choice but to endure Sucat traffic because of the nasty rains and flooded bottleneck at CAA. Haaay!

So it's not just the confusion at work or the rowdiness of the kids that makes my head hurt. Everything's really testing my patience nowadays! It's been raining almost nonstop, here's hoping that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning... crossing my fingers for a long weekend! :)

Boracay in July

Peejo doesn't like it when I stay up late to go Facebooking or blogging, but since he already bade me goodnight and he doesn't go on Multiply... I think I'm safe. Haha. It's been a while and I kinda missed it, and I have a lot on my mind lately, so maybe I ought to be given credit and try to unload my thoughts a little bit.

This is just one of the many breathtaking views I captured from my window seat aboard the PAL Express to Boracay last Thursday. I didn't tell people I'd be going back to the island for the second time this year, my boss even forgot I filed for a leave to accompany my balikbayan relatives to their first ever trip to a Philippine beach (I insisted that they visit places other than malls). Anyway, I wasn't really expecting a fantastic vacation because I had my period to begin with (boohoo), but I welcomed the change in environment because I had been sick since the week before and I felt that things weren't going well for me at that time.

When in doubt about God's presence, go ride a plane. The islands down below that are outlined in white and surrounded by blue and the white puffy clouds just like these can only lead you to believe that there really is an omniscient being responsible for all these beautiful things. A sore throat has been bugging me for almost two weeks, my patience was wearing thin with the kids at school, and I felt I was losing my touch in terms of work, and it led me to dread waking up in the mornings. That getaway came right on time, just when I needed it.



The waters were rough on White Beach, it was drizzling/raining all the time, I was cold and the clothes I brought were all beach wear, my cough was still there, and I was feeling fat. I thought the only redeeming moment was when I ordered a 7-cheese pizza with bacon and pesto all for myself. I got stranded in the restaurant and ate half of it, only to find out it wasn't as good as it once tasted. Sigh.

But I guess any kind of seascape have calming effects on everyone. It was a treat walking barefoot along the beach and seeing the nearby island get all fogged up from a distance. It's not so bad after all. I figured that the kids are still going to be as many and as rowdy as the last time, that work will still pile up, that I will still get confused or rattled along the way, but it's up to me to do something about it. Should I wallow in frustration or accept and make the most out of it? In the end, it's just going to entail a change of perspective.

I hopped on the plane ride home with the giddiness of a schoolgirl, missing Peejo and getting myself all wound up to face the traffic, the noise, the busy-ness of the coming week. Note to self: Steer clear of Bora from July onwards, you'll spend the rest of your vacation holed up in your hotel room, freezing your ass off.

Of doors and weird stuff

It's been a while since I last updated Multiply (crazy about Facebook and learning about Twitter now), it's just today that I've been sneaking up on some people's accounts and finally realized how I've wasted my time. There isn't really anything that I wanted to write about... until I noticed that my closet door was ajar about an inch. Of course I had to close it even if I feel so tamad and sleepy already, because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I had left it open. It goes the same for any other door ajar - I always will get up to close them, like my subconscious is telling me that a cold, bloodied hand or some other scary creature will crawl out of it if I don't. Yikes. And so goes my quirk, which probably is not that uncommon.

Which brings me to what happened last night. Got home around 12 from a party, and Peejo and I had to pee so we entered the house. The front door was locked, but the key was hanging from the window (like always). Anyway, we were done and I went back to the car with him to get something. I distinctly remember leaving the door ajar because I knew I won't take long. Nevertheless, I brought the key with me. When he left, I walked to the door to find it CLOSED AND LOCKED. The dog was lying in front of it.

DAN-DAN-DAN-DAN!

But I still opened it with the key, didn't bother turning on any lights downstairs, and went up to my room with just the thought of crawling under my sheets in my airconditioned room.

Of copycats and American Idol

Now only 3 contenders for American Idol left. Felt sorry for Allison who recently got voted out, I really thought that she was able to hold on longer after her smashing duet with Adam last week. Well, I guess she doesn't have enough fans to keep her on top, but I'm sure she won't go home emptyhanded. I just can't get over the fact that she looks so much like Ruby Rodriguez hahaha! Anyway, Adam, Danny and Kris really are the top picks for the season, and this is probably AI's best season yet. It used to be that "birits" and a large vocal range can already land you a recording deal, but with Adam's theatrical gimmicks, much higher standards have been set. Lil Rounds is the perfect example. I was amazed how she sounded so much like Mary J. Blige, but unfortunately for her, she couldn't get out of the mold of Whitney Houston, Tina Turner and whoever else she borrowed songs from for the competition.

At hindi rin naman nalalayo ang mga Pinoy celebs. Pagbali-baligtarin mo man, people took notice of those singers who sound EXACTLY like the popular singers. Every single one of them who can sound like Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, etc. sumisikat. It's not so bad naman, because some of them do prove their stellar power by having their own style, their own number one hits and the like. Kudos to Sarah Geronimo and Charice for that (who incidentally looks so much like Journey's Arnel Pineda with their super straight limp hair! Hahahahahaha!)

Which brings me to those annoying Sunday variety shows with MYMP and Nina as mainstays. Heard MYMP sang a Miley Cyrus song which was sung exactly the same as the original, and I switched channels right away. What else is new? Sumikat lang sila sa puro covers which were run-of-the-mill, boring renditions. I wonder if they ever paid any royalty? Blatant copycats. At isa pa tong si Nina. I saw her in the middle of singing the piano version of Lady GaGa's Pokerface and the stupid audience were applauding her as if it was her own brilliant, unique arrangement! Pwede ba! Malamang they haven't seen or heard that version yet. Really, we shouldn't tolerate these so-called stars and allow them to rake in the fame and the fortune they don't deserve. That's why I look forward to each AI performance this season, because the contestants have no other choice but to define who they really are. Otherwise, they will just be another one who bites the dust.

So who's your pick? It's always been Adam for me, but who knows?